Missing

This is a poem I wrote a few weeks after my mother passed away. It's really from my heart, . If youre missing someone or have lost a loved one, maybe this poem will help

I try so hard

To stay so calm

 

My smile is cracking

My heart is too..

 

Everyone says

"im here for you"

 

It's all lies..

I know the truth

 

I tell them how i feel..

They pretend to listen..

 

Finally their backs all turn

They start to walk away

 

The tears return

My urges too..

 

My family says

"I understand"

 

They have no clue

For they cant 'understand'

 

My mom was young..

Happy too

 

I didnt say

"I love you too"

 

and now she's gone..

They cant know how that feels..

 

She drank herself to death..

Probably from feeling alone..

 

She rotted on her floor..

for maybe a week.. probably more..

 

Her tome says

July 23rd..

 

It should read..

July 15

 

I let her die..

Its all my fault..

 

Maybew if i had pushed..

Stayed more close to her

 

She wouldnt have drank..

She would have had a soda instead..

 

Now i'll never see her smile

or even hear her laugh..

 

Sure i have videos..

but none that truly show her essence

 

Now that i'm older..

she wont be here

 

for all the big achivments..

for everything i have yet to experience..

 

sure she'll be in my heart

but that has no comfort..

 

It heals no pain

It gives me no comfort..

 

I look at her picture..

and wonder..

 

Could i have saved her?

Could i have done something?

 

Everyone says

"There was no way of knowing"

 

Yet that's not truth

We could have done something

 

Everyone saw her drinking

Everyone commented on it!

 

But yet..

No one did a thing

 

Not even me..

Her daughter.. her 'angel'

 

its sad..

i cant even remember her voice

 

its like a fading memory..

like ice in warm water

 

I know that i wont remember it in a year

even with videos

 

Her yelling at me..

Her saying she loved me..

 

I have no videos of either..

I only have cards and they dont do a thing..

 

I dont know what to do..

I'm lost..

 

without my mom

im like a ship with no lighthouse..

 

Its like i have no reason for living..

Its like.. a part of me is missing..

 

No mom..

No dad..

 

I cant handle thanksgiving..

or christmas..

 

Maybe peace will come..

when i can finally see the light..

 

When i am at heavens gates

and there she is to lead me in

 

To show me the clouds..

to show me how rain is made..

 

To hug me tightly..

to say she loves me..

 

What will i do..

im a wreck..

 

now all i do..

is listen to sad songs..

 

and try to remember her..

and try.. to survive..

 

 

 

Author's Note

I havent a clue. I just. yeah