BONUS NUMBER #1 : THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

This is my first attempt at loud writing.

This is not happening

 

No, no, nooo no!

 

My head is all beating

 

Na, na, naaa na!

 

My heart is not heating.

 

UH OH!

 

This is not happening,

My head is all beating,

My heart is not eating

THE LOVE YOU GAVE.

 

This is not happening

You words are still nagging

Your ear rings still dangling

IN MY HEAD WAVE.

 

Trying to forget, is like trying to forgive you

For mistakes that I committed

This is not happening

Innocent is not punishing

The criminal’s ideas are heated.

 

No, no no nooo

Na na na naaaa

 

‘I won’t tolerate your drama’

This is what I will say to me

I have never taken the blame

But this time I will take it on me

 

No

No

NO

 

What a confusion!

 

No

No

NOOOO!

 

This is my DISCRETION!

For myself!

 

Do you have any problem with it??

Then SHUT UP!

Author's Note

Reviews

[Rogue]

Me first?
-sigh-
I am not fond of the color block. It is a parlor trick and one you don't need, Shivam. Your words can stand on their own.
I do feel and understand the thoughts you are expressing. You get those across very clearly. And I like the piece wording as well (there are a few tenses that need correcting).

It is a good piece overall. :)

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you. And yes, now that you say, I see the tense errors too. But then correcting them might decrease the infuriate of the poem. :P

[Rogue]

Wait... What's that? Don't invite Rogue to read if you don't want the truth?
Harsh, man. Harsh.
-grin-
:P

[Shivam Murari]

Oh no no! I didn't mean it that way. I did of course recognize the tense errors when you pointed them out. Its just that I thought I might let the tension in the poem continue. I hope you understand what I mean.

[Rogue]

I did, Shivam and I was teasing you as you poked your tongue out at me. :P

[Shivam Murari]

oh! I got it :P

[Dayran]

Feels like a catharsis that just opened up the caved in emotions. A good attempt in conveying it.

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you like it!

[Kitbit]

Small details? Correct song, correct photos.
Colors? A little more than necessary.
Main text? A lot better than excellent.

Makes a very strong impact. Those colors make me dizzy. But I think you were going through dizzy emotions while writing this one. So not bad. Very good!

[Shivam Murari]

You're so correct, Kit! Thank you for reading! :)

[lones]

Your first attempt and loud writing, I understand, because you used too many colors. Not really necessary. But that aside, if I notice the innocence and the truth in those words, which are always there in your poems, this one outshines most of your other poems emotionally! (Except of course Gifts Ultra Rare ad Waiting to Forgive You! They were professional). So presentation, good! But work, extraordinary!

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much for those encouraging words, pal! :)

[Quirkyac]

Ok too much NOISE. And I like how you present it :P

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you, Quirky :)

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

sounded much like a rap or a hip hop song than a rap .

Nice try :)

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

i mean *like a poem :p

[Shivam Murari]

Yea I got it :)

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

sounded much like a Rap than a poem .

[Shivam Murari]

It is INDEED! :) Its genre is NONSENSE, you see :)

[Divyanshu Kachhap]

it sounds so noisy >.

[Ency Bearis]

Powerful verses with such impact. Interesting in a sense and well versed.

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you Ency :)

[Motivation4Life]

Very interesting man! Alot of emotion and expression in the poem.

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks you motivation :)

[Will]

Anger and frustration are evident here, as you deal with a torrid relationship. Nicely done.

[Shivam Murari]

Thanks Will :)

[B-poet]

This was quite a read. Lots of intense emotions all throughout. I liked how you've channeled the full extent of these type of emotions into an intriguing write. Nice work. :)

[Shivam Murari]

Thank you so much for the awesome and encouraging review, Bpoet! You are always so good! :)