As I sit here quietly

As I sit here quietly,

Alone with my thoughts,

Not another person in sight,

Free to think on my past.

 

Much of it I would not claim,

If I were given the choice,

For though it has made me who I am,

Much pain it has brought to me as well.

 

Those around me I know I have,

Hurt with my words and actions,

And I can only hope in the end,

That they can choose to forgive.

 

But what has lead me to this point,

Are the wounds I have done to myself,

Instead of letting things air and heal,

They were buried deep and left to fester.

 

Eventually they became too great,

Added together they became more then I could bear,

And I found no longer could I pretend not to care,

My mask was shattered, and with it my mind.

 

Now as I struggle to put things back together,

I know I can not live as I did before,

I must let the part of me I’ve kept hidden,

Out into the light to be free.

 

This risk I have decided to take,

Though easy I know it won’t be,

For as I do it there will be those,

Who will try to shame and ridicule me.

 

For too long I have lived a lie,

Hiding the good in me behind,

A wall of sarcasm and wit,

To hide my vulnerabilities.

 

To do this I fear I must lean,

On my family and friends once again,

For their aid and succor in my time of need,

To make myself worthy of their care.