The Woman In the Indian Defence

Not to be nationalist or something like that .... But Women centric topics have always grabbed my attention , especially the ones relating to Indian Women . This is my second poem . Enjoy and review

THE WOMAN IN THE INDIAN DEFENCE 

Marching ahead with vigour and passion ,                                                             
Facing enemies in an unknown location , 
Every drop of blood in the Country's name , 
No , she is not desperate for fame ,
Lurking around is grave danger ,
waiting to claim the woman ranger ,
She never stops guarding the country ,
In any weather , warm or sultry ,
She is bold , fearless and versatile ,
Away from the country by a thousand miles ,
Deprived of all the luxuries of life ,
Thriving to keep the family alive ,
Armed with battle equipment ,
Her life , Her soul , lies in the Army Regiment ,
Engineered to protect Mother India ,
From intruders across the Mighty Himalaya ,
It is her presence across the North , South , East and West ,
that cajoles millions of Indians into a blissful night's rest , 
She holds her rifle with pride and perfection ,
and glances at the tricolour , full of admiration ,
Each day and every passing night ,
spent in fighting with all her might ,
Her Sunburnt face , Her tired eyes , 
Speak volumes of her selfless sacrifice , 
An epitome of Courage and Bravery ,
immune to the World's  Misery ,
She stands taller than the Qutb Minar ,
She stands mightier than the Mount Everest , 
Thanks a lot , India's Daughter Dearest ! , 
Words can never describe her heroic actions , 
nor can they , the might of her repressed emotions ,
Let us hold our heads high ,
Let us walk with immense pride ,
For the woman of incredible substance ,
For the  WOMAN IN THE INDIAN DEFENCE . 

Author's Note

Please ignore the length of the verses ........... Still working on shortening them !!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This subject is a good one for your message & you obviously feel strongly about this. Your poem starts out a little flat (not convincing, lacking in conviction), but then it becomes more enthusiastic toward the end. From the "Mt. Everest" line to the end, your message sounds very proud & strong & clear.

In a few places, it feels like you choose things to say ONLY to get the rhyme. One example is to say "she is not desperate for fame" . . . this would be the last thing I would think of, to say about any soldier.
"Away from the country by a thousand miles" . . . awkward, sounds like it's just to get the rhyme.

There are a few words that just don't seem quite right . . .

"Deprived of all the luxuries of life,
Thriving to keep the family alive" . . . "thriving" doesn't fit with "deprived", they're opposites.

"Engineered to protect" . . . "engineered" doesn't sound right here.
"cajoles millions of Indians" . . . "cajoles" isn't the right word here.

"Each day and every passing night,
spent in fighting with all her might" . . . I don't think there's THAT much fighting anywhere!

"immune to the World's Misery" . . . I think this woman is very aware of misery, not immune to it.

Hopefully I'm not picking you apart too much here. This is a strong message of pride & I want you to be successful in conveying it clearly & without so many bumps.

[Shannon]

I can feel the power and passion in your words. There is beauty and some discord here. I am wondering about creating some discord with the structure? Mess up the punctuation a bit (which is likely perfect, but feels a bit cluttered)?
I love to learn about our vast and varied world by exploring the minutia of human lives, so I really appreciate the voice you are projecting here. I am always open to more conversation.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the strength and reasons for the poetry.
"Let us hold our heads high ,
Let us walk with immense pride ,
For the woman of incredible substance ,
For the WOMAN IN THE INDIAN DEFENCE . "
Women are our mother, sister, wife and our children. We need to love and respect. Thank you for sharing the powerful poetry.
Coyote