An Ode To Mental Illness

Depressive phase--and a rather bad one at that.

An Ode to Mental Illness

 

I feel I’ve been fighting a million years

Under the ruse of a pacifist.

 

Suffering is tolerated for the sake of living;

Living is tolerated for the sake of others

In the world in which I live.

Any truths behind the smile,

The reflex,

The Façade,

Is shrouded.

Only a downy pillow brings cotton comfort

Until the light brings forth another day.

 

I feel I’ve been fighting a million years

Under the ruse of a pacifist.

 

Black,

White,

Dark,

Light,

There is no between

Under the influence of two extremes.

What’s real is the present,

What was, only falsity;

The future: a gross inaccuracy.

What words go where,

What feelings should be felt,

What thoughts embraced

When their meanings change with the tide?

 

 

I feel I’ve been fighting a million years

Under the ruse of a pacifist.

 

He descends,

My most worthy opponent,

Arms extended,

And I cower

As any rational being would.

Light cannot pass through the absence of itself;

I cannot soothe the shell of myself.

Relinquish control, I do;

Resume authority, he does;

And we dance the devil’s dance with experienced precision.

We are one and I am none;

He is I

 And I am a memory.

 

I know I’ve been fighting a million years

Under the ruse of a pacifist

Because my smile manipulates the world’s beliefs.

She’s laughing: she’s fine;

She’s joking: she’s fine.

I will joke no longer,

Laugh no longer,

Because he hates the sound of joy

And I hate the burden of deceit.

 

Reality cannot be grasped

By the slippery hands

Of a ghost.

 

 

 I’ve fought for a million years

With the shadows in my head;

They have no use for a pacifist.

 

Neither do I.

Author's Note

Something I found in an old notebook. Considering I hold a certain level of disdain for modern poetry, I was surprised at my attempt. Not my usual work, but eh, why not share it anyway. Since this is my first upload on this site, it's not indicative of my normal work. But I hope someone at least finds a little enjoyment in it. Or . . . something like that.

Reviews

[Annie]

I enjoyed reading your poem. There was so much raw emotion there but it didn't come off in an overt way.

" She’s laughing: she’s fine;
She’s joking: she’s fine.
I will joke no longer,
Laugh no longer,
Because he hates the sound of joy
And I hate the burden of deceit.

Reality cannot be grasped
By the slippery hands
Of a ghost."

This part especially I like and I think it is a strong end to the poem, it's like when someone says "The bottom line is..." and I can relate to the kind of emotion I think you're speaking of there. You should write more modern poems because you just might surprise yourself!!

[Sincerely, A.D]

Thank you! It's just so interesting I happened to come across this poem in one of my old notebooks; it makes me think there are a bunch of them scattered around that I just haven't thought about in a while ha.

[Robert Parlange]

Good work. I liked the way you used the medium of the computer to create something unique in your poem. Very creative.

Keep writing.

[Sincerely, A.D]

Thanks for the kind words. And I'll for sure keep writing.

[A.marie.speaks]

A honest piece of writing. I really enjoyed reading it and can definitely relate. The ending was perfect.

[Sincerely, A.D]

Thank you:) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Coyote Poetry]

New world. Poor Pacifist would go down first.
"I’ve fought for a million years
With the shadows in my head;
They have no use for a pacifist.
Neither do I."
It is sad when fear is the control of our world. Old General once said. Need a powerful military to keep the enemy at bay. I like the honest and direct thoughts.
Coyote

[Sincerely, A.D]

Thank you very much. I agree, there's a huge culture of fear these days. And I think that makes people fearful when they think about it. Ha.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right and you are welcome.