Limbo

Made my first Sonnet, it's an Italian or Petrarchan Sonnet

What have you done to me, what am I now?

 I'm a monstrosity, a metal mind

A shell of flesh, defiled, designed

Within this maelstrom how can I be found?

 

Heart beating, life fleeting, love leaving, gone

Nothing left to rely upon, confined

Inside the hell's of time, I’m redefined

Constantly rebuilding from my past wrongs

 

I’m dwindling, rusted, humans resource

A full course meal that feels dead, empty

I cannot stand forever, so I sit

In silence, mangled, broken, I am forced

To invoke open my cemetery

Join the people, lost memories, unfit

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[.]

It's good in first attempt! I always like Italian poetry styles!
The first eight lines, or octave, almost always follow an 'abbaabba' rhyme scheme... I am curious to know if other rhyming schemes can be used.
I like the way you try to justify your own questions in the poem. Just amazed how clear you are in the first attempt! ...congrats over this and keep developing this style, it's going well.

Good Luck!

[LazerRays]

Very dark and agressive. The pain, "what have you done?" accusive and there's also feelings of betrayal. Love is certainly a dangerous game to play; and sometimes we need to play it safe. Me? I've always been a risk taker; I get up and walk it off. I wish you well!
Nice poem!