A little more empty

For the group 'Creative Poetry'.

Lurking within the warren corridors of mind,

Drifting in and out of existence,

These pictorial flashes of a stubborn wish.

I grapple against the nebulous boundaries of conscience,

A bit too clean; a bit too empty.

An imitation so precise,

Of the hazy reality that surrounds me;

With a genuine effort to materialize,

The satire of life,

In vapid, benumbing notes,

A tenor echoing of all the perished dreams.

Yet, the left-over hope trickles down from the burled edges,

Leaving me behind,

A little more hollow,

A little more empty.

Author's Note

Back after a long time. Still catching up.. :)

Reviews

[Raven Starhawk]

I can definitely subscribe to the idea this poem manifests deep within. I like it more than words can say based solely on the words involved, words I do not see in too many other poems. You have a refreshing style to say the least. I think if I had to really pick a favorite line it would be impossible, but still every stanza is magic.

[Becky C Strukamp]

SO many emotions surfaced as I read this, the ending is spot on, "A little more hollow, a little more empty" Love it. Glad to see you back, I too recently returned and its wonderful to connect and read from the friends I have missed.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

Emotionally, well-written write. I can certainly feel the emptiness conveyed. Nicely done.

[Little Miss]

This poem portrays alot of raw emotion and i personally enjoyed this poem very much:) It was magnificeintly put together and awesome:)

[Poetic Beauty]

This is filled with sadness and regret

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

I cannot begin to describe the way this poem made me feel! Each word of each line was so talently written with a powerful meaning! Excellent writing.

[Amila Jay]

Excellent write:-)

[kokoroko]

A concentration of too many big themes, big things, poorly addressed and trying to look sinister but in an emo way. It's not the theme but the way you are approaching it; poetry has to be less fatalist and not so futile approached.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good movement of thoughts and desire in this poem. Sometime life can lead us to the wrong place.. We must re-set and begin again. Great poetry. Open doors to thoughts. A strong ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote