Burning Up

A romantic poem

His pouty mouth

Brushes against mine

while fingers stroke

up the sensitive curve 

of my back,

writhing in pleasure

 

My chest pounds

the red-cheek feeling

arises when hands

Intertwine, 

fingers lacing together.

 

No one saw the

 

Unabashed true emotion

Coming out of its shell

as it explodes into colours 

of animalistic passion.

A shelter, a lover

Hovering over

Innocence

 

giving way

 

To new life, new worlds

Finally.

Reviews

[O'Helloron]

I like the tightness of the form (short lines, starting with the longest stanza and ending with the shortest), and I like the feel of "a lover hovering over". Question: It's all in present tense except for "no one saw" in the middle. Was that intentional, or an oversight?

[Persona]

Thank you for reading O'Helloron. Yes it was, because it's a glance into the past - no saw their love.

[O'Helloron]

Yeah, but no one saw it as it explodes?

[G!o]

Well this is really burning up with love. It has the hard gentle move to it and makes it really good and sensational. This is beautiful writing.

[Persona]

Thank you very much for your feedback. I have only noticed it now and I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner!

[lee von cleef]

Not what I expected, Finally.

[Persona]

Is that a good thing? That's okay if it's not - I'd love to know your opinion in more detail if you have any suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to read my poem. I am very sorry for not noticing your feedback sooner!

[deepblue04]

I like the short lines,it's easier to read and fun to try to read "in between the lines"!!! Good job!

[Persona]

Thank you! Sorry I've only seen these reviews by everyone recently!

[deepblue04]

its all good

[None]

Sensational. I like the short lines. It conveys action and movement. Short term thoughts that build. This is well done. You are a very versatile writer. I like the outdoor/nature theme too. Great image and setting.

[Persona]

Thank you for both reviews! You've pointed out things I hadn't thought about so much and that's enlightening ^^