Mari or Jason?

Okay, so I have DID and Schizophrenia, its hard to mange and this happened to me today.

Tw: J@son, Death, Cussing, Cvtting, V@ping, Fighting, Schizophrenia, DID

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I was about to start walking downstairs to the bathroom, when I open my door and see him, standing there, he had blood running down his neck and dripping onto the floor, his messy black hair and those eyes, they looked so alive, but distant.

"Mari." I whispered, I could bearly speak, bearly talk. He was dead, he died, I know he did. I was told, I think he is dead.

'You couldn't save me.' He took a step closer. 'JJ, you weren't enough.' I shut my door quickly. I slid down it as I lock it. My chest is heaving, I'm a sobbing mess. I am never enough, I never have been. I know that. I lose everyone I get close to. I'm a curse.

'Lost in thought?'

"Jason I swear to God. What did Marek tell you."

'Hes not here today, is he?'

"No, but I can call him."

'I thought he went missing.' I froze, I didn't tell Jason that, Jason was the last person I would want to know.

'Its OUR mind remember? What the others know, I know. And besides, its easy to get things out of Helena.'

"Shes only 4 you a*****e! You leave her alone!"

'Mmmm, I don't think I will. But the point is, you have no one. You want to know why? You drive everyone away. Your not enough.'

"Your trying to get to my head again, I won't let you." I always say that, and he dose anyway! So, yay.

'You could just go to Mari's house, he will help you.' I tense up, he knows damn well on what he's doing.

'Oh, that's right, you can't, can you? You want to know why?' He crouched down in front of me. 'You killed him.'

"I didn't!"

'You might as well have. You let him go, you knew what would happen.'

"I didn't know he would kill himself."

'But, you knew he was struggling.'

"Yes, I did."

'You weren't there for him.'

"I was, or I tried my best."

'Well, your best isn't good enough.'

"I know."

'Do you, JJ?' It was Mari's voice, but in Jasons body.

"Jason, stop it! Your not him!"

'JJ, your not good enough.' I look away I see blood dripping on the floor again. And I feel a shift in the room.

'JJ, look at me. Why won't you look at me? I thought you loved me, I thought we were brothers.' I keep telling myself its not real. But, I was scared. I didn't know how to stop it or what to do, but to wait it out.

'Brotherrrr~' He said in a sing-songly voice.

'Look at me.' The voice went deep and raspy. I look up at see, Mari again, the cut deeper, his head nearly off. Shadow people all around, each of them were black, but colours flew through them. I hear knocks on the door and quickly look down at my floor it was completely red, like a blood bath, I don't know if its real, I never know if its real. I can't tell if I am real. Its all so much.

I felt a tingly feeling as Jason, or Mari, I don't even know who he is anymore, grabbed my neck. I felt as if I couldnt breathe. Normally I can't feel when they touch me, but this was new, I felt it. I really felt it. I couldnt breathe, I look up again, and see Jason. He stood there over me, smiling. He's sick, really sick.

'Jayden, you should know by now, that I always get what I what when I want.'

"What do you want." I gasp out, my chest heaving once again.

'You know good and well what I want.'

"No. I been clean since Friday, I am not, I can't."

'Not vaping silly. I don't care about that anymore. I want you to do the other thing. You did it when he died, you aren't that clean, do it again.'

"I can't. I cut my nails." I did cut my nails, not by choice. My step-mom told me to.

'Why use your nails when you have a razor?'

"I haven't used it since last year, I can't start again."

'But, you use other things all the time, why not the razor?'

"Because the razor is more small, more easier to carry around, more addicting."

'I know. But, no one has to know, you don't have to tell anyone.'

"I don't want to."

'Jayden, I can make them stop, or I can make them louder.'

I knew that line, I knew what it meant. Before he held up his hand I yelled. "Okay, okay! I will do it." He put his hand down fully. I went and climbed under my bed to the deep end and grabbed it.

"Where do you want it." I sat back down on the door as he sat in front of me.

'Your arm, your face, your neck, I couldn't give a s**t, just do as I say, Jayden. Do it now.'

I looked at my arm, I couldn't. I can't do it again. I just can't. I was scared of Jason, but scared to start again and not stop. 'Jayden, listen to me, do it now.'

"I can't." I couldn't belive what I was saying. Couldn't belive what I was doing. He laughed coldly standing back up. 'Have it your way then.' He held up his hand and the screaming filled my ears again. I don't know how long I sat there sobbing, begging him to stop, before he disappeared and so did the voices. All I knew, I am scared of him. Of Jason. Of seeing Mari. I am scared.