"I'm so glad to not be running anymore," Lilith says through a sigh.
"You can say that again." Katapa walks beside her.
"Do you think that after we're done all this we'll get to be with our kids again?" Anderei's voice is haunted but hopeful.
"We better be," there is rage in my words, "because if we defeated the Fates and we go back to life without our children, I will kill someone."
"I ... they're my ... I thought I knew what anger was," Lilith starts, "before the kiddos got taken away. But it turns out that the deepest depths of rage I felt back then were absolutely nothing compared to the rage I feel now."
"I just feel so helpless," Katapa sighs, "even though we're fighting the Fates, we're doing what no-one has done before, I feel so helpless."
"Me too," Anderei echoes, "I've been feeling helpless all my life. But the sort of helpless I feel now, it's so unbearably deep. I feel as if I'm a completely different person."
"They always break us," I seethe, "they always break everything we are until we aren't anymore."
"They're breaking our babies too," Katapa sobs. Tears are falling uncontrollably from her eyes. This grief is too big for tears. But it's a form of rebellion to cry. In a world where we have to swallow the deepest sorrows and remain blank-faced through the worst pain, it's a form of rebellion to let the tears stream out.
So Lilith and Anderei revel with her. They let themselves cry. I long to join them. But I find myself unable to. My anguish runs as dry as the harshest, deadliest drought. And it's killing me inside.
"I hate the towerpeople," I say.
"Don't we all?" Lilith sobs.
I wonder if our children are wishing they could cry, like me. I wonder if they're trying to rock themselves to sleep alone. I wonder if they're looking for someone to comfort them and finding no-one. I wonder if they are feeling the hatred that I feel.
Love and hatred are two sides of the same coin. To love is to protect is to hate. To hate is to long for is to love. You can't have one without the other.
But here, in the open ground, as my friends cry, we have a freedom we haven't had in years.
We keep walking forwards towards the horizon. The horizon that calls us and beckons us towards its gray-green. And as we do so we formulate the barest edges of a plan. We feel like we are walking towards freedom.
"What should we do?" Lilith asks, "we've mostly just been winging things so far."
"There's something here that can help us," Katapa tells us, "I know it."
"I agree," I say, "there's something here that can help us. I feel it in my bones."
"It feels like the moment before a lightning strike," Anderei's voice is dark with soft wonder.
"It does," I echo.
"How will we know when we find it?" Lilith asks, voice dripping with concentration.
"I think we just will," I reply.
"We've heard enough stories to know what the Fates are like," Katapa starts, "and so we should know how to defeat them. We should be able to figure out what can. And we have to follow our hearts. Because that's what we've been doing so far and it's taken us a long way."
"We have to follow our hearts," Anderei echoes, "but we also have to think. We've outsmarted these Fates so far. We have to outsmart the last one and then we have to outsmart all of them. I think we can do it. The Fates are the pride and the greed and the wrath of the towerpeople after all."
"We're smarter than the towerpeople," Lilith ponders, "and more importantly, we're kinder than them. We're softer than them. We're closer to each other, more in touch with the world, more experienced, more thoughtful. If the Fates represent the towerpeople, and they do, we should easily be able to beat them now that we're on the same playing field."
"It's funny," I say, "that we're smarter and better than the towerpeople. They've always told us that they were smarter and kinder and better than us."
"F*****g idiots," Lilith replies.
"She's right," Anderei smiles at his wife.
"You guys give me strength," Katapa smiles at all of us.
We walk until we reach a place that has soft pink carpet and a whole bunch of frilly furniture and decorations all around. All in every direction there are the creepy faces of smiling, happy dolls. Everything is made of pastel colours almost like it's a towerchild's play room. This stretches on for miles in front of us. But above us the sky is still grey.
"I think we're in a new Fate's domain," Anderei says darkly.
We keep walking and talking, about misery as much as hope and about hope as much as misery, until we see a shimmering ripple in the sky and a patch of sky that is painted a deep evening blue rather than a cloudy gray.
"Should we go check that out?" Katapa asks.
"Yeah, probably," Anderei answers, "checking stuff out is what lead us so far."
We go towards the source of different sky until we are close enough to see what's happening. There is a towerwoman standing straight on a wooden verandah, looking down at a line of slaves gathered on the ground underneath.
I feel a strange sort of pull towards the scene and I find my feet walking into the lineup of slaves. Kata, Lilith and Anderei are also pulled alongside me.
We cower with the rest of the slaves in the lineup, the Fateworld fading completely and being replaced with some sort of agricultural plantation. The day is hot and muggy. The towerwoman's voice booms.
"You are all a very lazy and idle lot!" She yells.
"Yes, ma'am," we agree, and the words feel bitter on my tongue.
"You find any excuse you can to not find your work! Without us Towerpeople you would spend all your days lazing about doing nothing. We provide you with work. Give you occupation to make something of yourselves, yet you are ungrateful."
"Yes, ma'am." We have to agree. Not agreeing means death. But standing there in front of her, agreeing to such horrible condemnations, it grates into my soul in a special kind of way. It leaves me a special kind of dead inside.
"Where would you dirt b******s be without us? Lazing about and never doing anything! Rotting and dying from your own idleness!"
"Yes ma'am," I'm forced to repeat again. We are all forced to repeat again. And I can barely get the words out of my throat. But I have to. Her words sit heavy and slimy deep in my chest.
"It is fair what we ask if you," she continues, words full of hatred and contempt, "it is reasonable what we ask you. We ask you to do something with ourselves. To make something of yourselves. We ask you to work. To contribute to society. That is a fair demand, is it not?"
"Yes ma'am." Our voices sound hollow. Sound dreadful. But she in all her might will not hear that in them. That is a blessing for us. Because it's protection.
"You brutes need to be grateful for what you've been given! You need to realize your place! You need to stay in your place! But no! You find any excuse to be idle! To shirk from your work! You find any excuse to slack off!"
"Sorry, ma'am," we reply in a broken unison. Her words cut deep but what cuts much, much deeper is how we're forced to stand here. How we're forced to meekly listen to them. How we're forced to reply and agree and just take it all meekly and submissively.
"I found one of your lot asleep on the job! Literally asleep in the fields when you were supposed to be hard at work picking the beans. This proves your worthlessness, your sloth. This proves how you'd be nothing without us, without me!"
"Yes, ma'am." Her words cut deep into me. My words cut deep into me. They sit dark and oily at the base of my chest. And my soul feels so very tired.
"You dirt brutes need discipline! Need a strong hand to guide you. You need to be taught that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable!"
"Yes ma'am." I don't know where she's going with this but it can't be anywhere good. But we have no choice other than to go along.
"You all need to be punished for your damnable behaviour. From now on your work day will be extended by two hours until the end of the month."
"Yes ma'am." I can hear horror in all of our voices. I feel horror welling up inside me. But I can't do anything about it.
I steal a glance at the other slaves lined up in rows beside me. They look tired. Tired in their bones but most importantly tired in their souls. We're already so tired. How can we handle more work?
I catch sight of a ripple in the sky. And I remember why I came here. I wait for the towerwoman to go back into her towering mansion.
And when she's gone I speak.
"So how are we going to get out of this?" I ask the other slaves. Normally I wouldn't even dream of saying something like this. But now I've seen too many things to be so complacent. I believe that we can cause change.
The other slaves look at me startledly, their eyes wide with shock.
"Who even are you?" A person in loose, worn-down clothes and thick hair asks.
"I'm ..."
"We came from the Fateworld." Lilith quickly cuts in, "we're going to defeat the Fates but before that we can help you. Or at least give you revenge."
"The Fate world?" The man who asks this has a voice full of wonder that is tempered with fear.
"Yes," Anderei replies, "and we can maybe do something to get you out of this."
"You don't deserve such a cruel punishment," I say, "no matter what that b***h says."
"You can try," one woman replies. She has on a worn down white dress that hangs loosely about her figure.
"We have to get to work, though," a young woman tells us.
"We understand," Katapa replies. "You guys work. We'll look for something to help you."
They agree. And they go to their work while we go around looking for something that can help them.
The fields are vast and they grow plants that go up to my waist. They have thick green stems and long thin leaves, with rows of beans growing together all along the branches. We don't find anything there that could help us.
Next we look at the slave quarters. It's one big building made of clay, with a thatched roof, and nothing save for some cloths on the inside. Nothing magical. Nothing significant.
We get stopped by guards multiple times but they don't recognize us. We tell them that we're new slaves. That the masters told us to take a thorough tour of the grounds so that we familiarize ourselves with everything.
There is nothing unusual by the river, only river. And nothing in the tiny stretch of woods by the river either.
"There has to be something," Katapa says breathlessly.
"And if there isn't then we have to make something," Anderei adds.
"And if there still isn't then we have to come back when there is something," Lilith finishes.
"Let's keep looking," I tell them solemnly, even though we're getting tired looking for something - and we don't even know what - across the sprawling estate.
"We should check the house," Lilith suggests.
"I agree." Anderei sounds tired, stressed. We all are. But not as much as we usually are. Not nearly as much as we usually are. Anderei sounds hopeful as well. And he sounds worried. And he sounds grief-torn.
We go to the giant, sprawling mansion. I don't know why the towerpeople need houses that are so big. And we look all around, under the many pieces of furniture and many ornaments, through the pages of the books, behind the paintings and the curtains, in the closets and on the shelves, everywhere. It feels like we're back at work cleaning the mansion, almost. But we need a way to help the other slaves.
Whenever any towerperson comes in we look as if we are busy cleaning. And they don't notice that we're out of place.
Finally the sky is dark and we've looked through the whole estate. There is nothing. Katapa looks at me with wide, worried eyes.
"What now?" She asks, voice full of concern.
"Well we can't give up," Anderei's voice carries the embers of a fire.
"Maybe the power lies within ourselves," Lilith suggests.
"Yeah, maybe," I agree.
So we all look within ourselves. We look through our grief and our hurt and our exhaustion and our fear and our worry and our stress and our unending, infinitely bonded love. We look through our hopes and our dreams and our wants and our desires. Through our relationships and our kindness and our interdependence.
And we feel it all sparking within us. We feel an energy that flows like water, that grows like leaves, that reaches up to the heavens and down into the earth and out across all the lands. We feel a power coursing through us and sparking like lightning around us more powerful than anything else.
We are on the verge of a breakthrough. We are on the verge of a breakthrough. But no breakthrough happens. The power wells up inside us and sparks to life within us but we have no idea how to channel it into the world around us.
Still we concentrate. We focus on guiding it, refining it, directing it. But we still don't know how. We can tell that it's something that will take decades to master, if not centuries, if not millennia.
"Well we tried our best," Katapa tries to encourage us.
"What now?" Lilith's voice sounds despondent.
"We don't give up." Anderei is visibly frustrated.
"Maybe we can find out what to do back in the Fateworld," I suggest.
Everyone's eyes light up at this.
"Yeah, maybe," Lilith breathes.
"We have to go check," Katapa says gently.
"We'll have to come back here later," Anderei voices. And we all agree.
After a group hug we go back to the slave quarters, which is now filled with people and hushed talking. With stones in our throats we break the news, that we didn't have anything to help them out of their situation. But we do teach them how to feel their power sparking inside them. And after talking with all of them of what we've seen and what we've done, we talk to them about all the Fates we've outsmarted and all the miracles we've witnessed. And it does help them. And it does give them hope.
Finally we walk back through the rift in the sky. And the Fateworld is glaringly fake-bright and fake-happy around us. Dolls placed in lace-covered shelves smiling eerily at us from their polished homes.
"What now?"
We keep walking.
Eventually we wander into another part of the real world. This time it's a church congregation made of Dirtpeople sitting on the ground, a towerman priest standing in front of them. We hide amongst the crowd.
Church days are a special kind of horrible. And it seems as if this day isn't a story day. Today the church is making us pray.
"We are not worthy, not worthy, to be in the glory of the Fates," the people drone. I know this prayer. I hate having to recite it. It cuts me deep inside and it leaves me bleeding.
"But we are worthy, as small as we are, to follow the Fates decrees." The people drone on. I force the dead words out of my throat as I feel something within me wither. "The Fates they guide us and lay down the path. The Fates they guide us and lay down the path. We'll follow that guidance and we will walk the path. We'll follow the path of the Fates.
"We are to be servile and subservient and humble. That's what the Fates decreed. We will follow the will of our masters. That's what the Fates decreed. We will always seek to please our masters. As is the will of the Fates. We will be diligent and dutiful and hardworking. Thanks to the rule of the Fates."
My mouth tastes like metal and ash. My chest feels like it is filled with ash. My stomach feels like something died within it. My head feels like it's being suffocated. But I keep on praying.
"We will obey the will of our masters above us. As the Fates have decreed that we must. We will give them dutifully what they ask of us. As the Fates have decreed that we must. We will cherish the feeling of pleasing our masters. As the Fates have declared that we do. We will relish the joy of working for our masters. As the Fates have declared that we do."
This prayer always makes me die inside. Die inside more than I normally do. Of course my normal state is dead inside. But I'm a Earthperson. I know how someone can be dead but keep dying again and again and again but still force themselves to keep being alive.
The prayer grates on and on and on and I force myself to keep praying. I look around the dark room. Everyone's eyes are as dead as mine are. As hollow. As haunted. I do not know these people but my heart aches so much for them. I want so desperately to help them. Even a little. But right now I can't.
The priest is stern. He's severe. He has hard eyes and a hard-set mouth and an upturned nose. He hears us intone the words of the chant and he probably feels very satisfied inside. I hate him.
Eventually, finally, finally the service ends and we are able to go outside. The priest goes off to the main church for the towerpeople and for a moment it's just us slaves.
"Who are you?" A little girl with braids in her hair asks us when we get outside.
"We're people from far away," Katapa says brightly towards her, bending down to look at her eye level. "We travelled here through the Fateworld," she continues, standing up and facing all the people, "and eventually we will bring the Fates down."
Everybody's eyes go wide in shock and disbelief.
"What if you die?" one slave asks, her thick orange hair flickering in the sunlight.
"Then we'll die." Anderei states simply. "We'll never get to see our children again so what's the point of living anyways?"
"But we might see our children again if we can outsmart the Fates," I say.
"Good luck," a man with night-dark eyes and a matching dark complexion tells us. His words are like smoke on the evening air.
"We will find a way to tell you if we succeed." I promise them.
"When we suceed," Lilith corrects. And we all smile at her. "We will get the word out to you. In the meantime don't tell the towerpeople about us."
"We won't," a woman with wrinkles around her eyes promises.
"Can you make it so we don't have to pray anymore? I hate praying." A tiny boy who looks too much like Mafalia pulls at Katapa's skirt.
"I hate praying too," she tells him.
"Don't we all?" An adult with loose curls speaks. We all agree to this, and talk about how much we hate reciting prayers.
"We're looking for something," Katapa tells everyone. "We have to keep looking."
We say our goodbyes and as always it hurts my heart to let my fellow slaves go. But as the towerpeople come back to organize the slaves the four of us are hidden within the church.
We search the Earthpeople church and find nothing there. We search the places around it. We search the grass feild between the churches. And finally the grounds around the towerpeople church.
It's then time to go into the towerpeople church.
"What are we going to tell the priests inside?" Lilith asks.
"Let's tell them that our masters sent us," Anderei answers.
"Yes, we could tell them that we're looking for something our masters lost in the church." Katapa looks forwards.
"But what?" I ask.
"What would be easy to lose and hard to find?" Lilith's voice is thoughtful.
"Maybe a small toy," Anderei suggests.
"Perfect," I exclaim.
And so we are off.
Inside the church we give our explanation and then we are not bothered. The priest is having a conversation with a little towergirl, who looks to be about ten.
The church is beautiful. It's large and open and vast. There are polished, gently curved wooden pews and colourful patterns on the floors. There are stained glass scenes on the windows and marble statues along the walls. There is a carved marble altar in front of the pews and there are many carved golden chalices and vases behind them.
When we are looking into one of the gold vases the priest beckons us over.
"Hey! Slaves! Get over here. We have something to ask you."
Fear thuds in my heart but I swallow it down as we make our way over.
"You dirtpeople love being our slaves, right?" The priest looks at us expectantly. He is an old man with a white beard. The young girl looks at us too. She has a colourful frock with lace around her sleeves. She has a clean, round face and wide eyes. I hate lying to her. But I know how to answer.
"Yes," Anderei says in a lie that sounds real if you are able to overlook the hauntedness behind it. He's always been the best at swallowing down this sort of bitterness. Not that he doesn't choke on it too though.
"You love working for us, right?"
"Yes," Lilith replies in a voice subtlety tinged with hatred, "we do love working for you. The towerpeople are honourable and they treat us well. Why wouldn't we be honoured to work for you?"
The priest looks satisfied. The girl looks confused but satisfied as well. Her wide eyes look a bit harder than they did before.
"And you like listening to us, right?"
"Of course," Katapa replies, "why wouldn't we?
"So you don't have a problem with doing what we tell you all day?" The girl asks.
"Why would we?" I can tell Katapa is working hard to force the words out.
"Why would you?" The girl asks again. I can tell that she's questioning the status quo. All towerchildren do that at one point in their lives. But their parents force them back into the status quo and they are so loyal to the older generations of the towerpeople that they never ask questions again. I wish I could tell her the truth. I wish I could have just one towerperson at least who knows the truth. But if I tell the truth we'll be killed. Our lives are not worth one little girl's curiosity.
"Because we've been listening to orders our whole life," I answer. "It's what we're used to. It's all we've known. You can get used to anything if you have enough time to get used to it. You can be alright with anything." The lie tastes sharp and metallic and bitter-sour in my mouth. But I tell it anyways. Because I have to.
"Oh okay," the girl replies. "But what about your children? You can't be used to sending your children off to work. They're not used to it yet. How do you do that?" And I can't answer her. Because her question cuts deep. So deep. Down to the very core of me.
It's Lilith who is able to reply. And I didn't expect that of her. I don't know how she found the strength.
"They have to learn how to get used to it. It's better for them in the long run."
"Oh okay."
We leave the church after that. We don't speak any words at all as we drift back into the Fateworld like ghosts. Anderei falls to the soft pink carpet and he doesn't get up. The rest of us lie down beside him. I don't care if a Fate comes and finds us. I have no energy left. We just lie there.
After a while Katapa speaks.
"Those were lies, guys. Just lies. We're not helping our kids by lying around. When we beat the Fates we won't ever have to say such bullshit again." And she's right. We can only fight if we fight.
I tell them this. And after a few minutes we are able to push ourselves up.
Around us is a strange room. It has a wall covered with delicate little metal tools of all types and there's another wall with large metal shelves. We all spend a few moments staring at it.
"What the f**k is this?" Lilith asks.
"I'm screwed if I know," Katapa answers.
"It almost looks like a strange kitchen," Anderei observes.
"We should look around," I recommend. And so we do. There's nothing much here. Just a metal cabinet filled with papers that have writing on them and tools and a cabinet filled with white cloths.
The lock turns in the door. We all freeze in our spots and then quickly make our way to the center of the room.
A man in a blinding white jacket comes in. He has the calm cleanliness and the haughty posture of the towerpeople. We keep our heads down. Behind him follows a young woman, also dressed in white.
"This will only be a psychological evaluation, the man tells the woman. "You will watch and take notes."
"Alright, professor. But may I ask some questions myself?"
"Of course you may. Feel free to cut in when you have a curiosity. Slaves," he turns to us, "get up on the examination table." The what? We look around, worried.
"Sir?" Anderei speaks up, "where is that?"
"The examination table!" The man exclaims, "the metal table right here!" He walks over to the metal shelf and bangs it. "See, Kadherin this only proves how stupid these people are. How lost they would be without us."
We take a seat on the cold metal. It is hard against us.
"Now Kadherin, as you know the slaves have been evolving for many generations to suit the unique needs of slavey. Not only does this mean that their bodies are more tough and strong and well-suited to physical labour and decreased nutrients, but their minds, too have been evolved to be dependant on our orders. Today we will demonstrate that they are helpless to direct themselves without our intervention." I sneer internally at his words.
"You will be asked a series of questions and we will mark down how you answer."
"Okay," I say.
"For the first question, try to imagine, if you can, waking up on a day and your masters tell you that there is no work to be done that day. How would you feel?"
We know that we have to answer how the towerman expects us to answer. How he wants us to answer. We know that we have no power here and to tell the truth would be to sign our death warrants.
"I would be confused," Katapa answers, voice wavering only the tiniest bit, "and I would not know why this happened."
"See," the man turns to the woman, "they are confused and helpless without our guidance."
"Now, what would you do on the day where you are not expected to work?"
"We would not know what to do," I reply, "we would wait for further instructions." My tongue feels heavy in my mouth.
"See, their minds do not work like our own. Now where would you go?"
"Back to the slave quarters," I answer truthfully, "and we would wait there." I do not tell him of how we would talk amongst ourselves to figure out why the masters have given us this impossible mercy. I do not tell him about the beautiful rest we would allow ourselves, of the games we would play, of the stories we would tell the children, of the songs we would sing, of the knowledge we would share. He would not want to hear of it.
"And when you feel hungry what would you do?"
"We would wait for the masters to give us food," Lilith lies, "after all, they are the ones who provide for us."
"See how helpless they are without us? Anyways, there is no food coming. How would you feel?"
"Confused," Anderei says, "and worried. We would not know what to do." We would not know what to do because to take food without the expressed permission of the masters means getting punished. We would not know what to do because we know that we're only allowed to take what they give us. But nobody says this part aloud.
"Interesting. And what would you do with your children?"
"I don't know," I force out all too fast. He needs to move to a different topic.
"And what if you went inside the masters' house and you saw that they were gone. Then how would you feel?"
"Confused and worried," Katapa replies.
"We would wait for other towerpeople to show up," Anderei adds.
"Would you feel a sense of joy at them being gone?" The woman asks with a clinical voice.
"I don't believe so," I tell her, "what would we do without them?"
"And if you knew that they were gone for good, would you leave the premises?" She writes things down as she talks. They both do.
"Where would we go?" Lilith asks. And this interview is horrid and terrifying. The room is still and silent around us. I force myself to keep still and silent as well.
They keep asking us questions of that sort, and writing on their white pages on their cork boards. And we bear through it. We bear through it because we have to.
"I think that's all, Kadherin," the man finally says. "Now we will do a blood test. To show just how strong and resistant to disease these dirtpeople bloods are."
They leave the room, locking the door behind them.
"That doesn't sound good." Lilith looks at us worriedly.
"We better get out of here. But how?" Anderei's voice is thoughtful as much as it is anxious.
We look around for any ripples. Finally I see a tiny sliver of glowing gray near the roof.
"There," I point.
Katapa walks up to it and digs her fingers through. She pulls at the gray rift until it opens up into a wide hole, a portal through which we can see the Fateworld.
"Good job, Kata," Anderei tells her. We all climb through.
"Having to say with our own tongues that we are inferior is a special type of violence," Lilith declares once we're back in the Fateworld.
"I understand how you feel," Katapa replies.
"It's just so ... it takes your energy," I tell them.
"And you're itching to be properly seen," Anderei adds, "but you know you'll never be seen by them."
"Well we know what the truth is," Katapa declares.
"Right," I agree, "and we can hold the truth in our hearts."
"But they leave our hearts in pieces," Katapa grumbles. And she's right. But we have to keep walking.
Lilith and I are walking a few steps ahead of Katapa and Anderei. They are softly speaking some words to each other and we want to give them their privacy.
This part of the journey is the most bitter. There is no victory. Only more and more bitter things we have to endure. But still, we stay alert.
We see a ripple in the sky and start walking towards it. It could contain something of value. We make sure Kata and Anderei are following us, and they are. We steel ourselves for a new battle.
When we walk through the ripple we see that we are in an open yard, where a couple of towerwomen are having a picnic under a tree. One is wearing a blue dress with pink flowers on it. One is wearing a light green dress with yellow stripes. They sit on a pile of colourful blankets layed out with fresh fruits and lemonade and sugar.
"Hey!" The woman in the blue dress screams at us, "what are you doing here?!" My heart freezes for a moment before I answer her.
"We're journeying from around the way," I reply truthfully, but vaguely, "we're just passing through."
"So pass through then! Why are you making us wait?"
"We're waiting for our partners," Lilith answers, "we don't know what's taking them so long." It's a vague enough answer that it won't put any of us in danger. She's always been good at this.
"Oh, dirtmen," the woman in the green dress says disgustedly, "they are always causing problems." We don't reply to that.
"You might as well take the few minutes of freedom you have without them," she continues, unaware of the irony of her words, "we all know how much of a chore they'll be to deal with once they get here."
"How can you even get together with the men of your tribe?" The first towerwoman asks us, maybe rhetorically, "We all know how aggressive and temperamental and irrational they are. It's lucky that we keep them busy most of the time. Your family life must be a nightmare."
I can see rage in Lilith's eyes but she hides it very well, as she always does.
"Well, we'll have to wait from them anyways," I try to steer the conversation, "our masters said not to go alone. That it was too dangerous." I say this bold-faced lie just as easily as I say the half-truths.
"You're lucky you have your masters to tame them," the green-clothed woman sneers at us, "or else who knows what kind of violence they might be capable of."
"Quite." There is a deadly sharpness behind Lilith's voice. And I am having trouble keeping myself together.
"Well that was f*****g stupid," Lilith whispers to me once they've gone back to their picnic.
"Yes. Well we can't really do anything while they're still here. Why don't we just leave?"
"Yeah, sure."
We disappear back into the Fateworld when they're not looking.
"Where were you guys?" Katapa asks us worriedly. I go and hug her immediately. I'm so lucky that she's here. She hugs me back and then we share a kiss. It is sweet. It is cool. It is life-giving.
We turn towards Lilith and Anderei who are wrapped in each other's arms.
"So we met these two women who implied that we don't love you two," Lilith is saying. She turns to Anderei and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I smile at their affection.
We all gather together for a group hug afterwards and it's so sweet to be wrapped up in all their closeness.
"We should keep going though," I suggest.
"No please, everyone's so tired. Let's just cuddle." Lilith has a point.
"But won't the Fates be after us eventually?" Katapa has a point as well.
"Ugh fine."
"You can still hold my hand, Lily," Anderei placates.
Katapa gives me one last squeeze and we go on.
We walk forwards, with our eyes peeled for any sort of strangeness. Any more strangeness at least. We walk past soft pink and baby blue and lime green and pale yellow and lavender purple. There are shelves and trays and tables with fancy cloths and dolls all over them. So many smiles from all around. An uncannily perfect world.
Eventually we get to another passage to the real world. We climb through and find ourselves in a large kitchen. There are ovens and stoves lining one wall, sinks lining another, and a row of counters in the middle. It's all an uneven, dull, grating gray.
"Hello. You must be new." The Earthperson who greets us offers us an exhausted smile. They have loose, dark, curly hair and kind warm brown eyes.
"Yes," Anderei answers.
"Here," they direct us to a table full of trays of food, "the trays are all prepared and all you have to do is carry them around the party."
"Thank you for showing us," I reply honestly.
"No worries. Good luck. I know it's hard. But you'll get through it."
"Thank you," I say again, voice flowing with sincerity.
The party hall is huge and ornate, with crystal chandeliers and walls lined with gold. But I can't notice any of it. I never can. As always, I have to work.
The party is buzzing with life around us. But we stay silent through it all. People call us over and we go. They barely notice us. Like we're ghosts. They're all entraptured with each other. With the conversations that they're having. With the food that they're eating. With each other's fine clothing. With the music that lilts through the room. With the cool drinks.
We are shadows. But that's something I've grown used to. It's something that I hate.
"Hey, girl! Come here!" I hurry to the person who called me, as I've done the whole evening. But instead of taking a pastry and shooing me away he tells me to stay.
I see that he is with a boy of perhaps thirteen years old, who is looking up at him with inquisitive eyes.
"Yes, sir?"
"My nephew here was wondering why you serve us all this amazing food but never try to steal any."
The real answer is because we would be punished. But that's not the answer he wants.
"Because we're grateful, sirs." I remember being told throughout my nightmare childhood to be grateful. "We're grateful that you provide for us. You provide food." Food that's empty and tasteless. "You provide shelter." Shelter that's freezing cold in the winters and boiling in the summers. "You provide us life." Life that we have to spend under the boots of the towerpeople. "Why wouldn't we be happy to serve you?" My words taste slimy and sour in my mouth. Words that are an echo of the words I've heard from them again and again.
"Exactly. And because you are grateful you would not dream of taking things that don't belong to you." The man's tone is harsh. I don't know how he finds the energy to talk so haughtily.
"Of course not, that would be shameful." I try to keep my own tone meek and deferential and sweet. But an undertone of fear creeps in. I know they won't be hearing it.
"But, uncle, they can't be trusted." Wow, even for a towerperson this kid has no manners.
"They are docile and tamed now. We civilized them. They know better than to revert to their original, treacherous state. And we are here to keep them in line. Isn't that right, slave?"
"Right. We're very grateful to your people for civilizing us and showing us how to live in peace."
"We make sure to keep them loyal." He talks as if I'm not there. He shoos me away with his hand and I go, swallowing down my bitterness. The entirety of this horrible party makes me feel so empty inside.
I drift through the party for hours more. Working until I'm tired while everyone else relaxes and entertains themselves.
Eventually we are called back to the kitchens. There are dozens of exhausted slaves coalescing in the rough gray, talking amongst each other as they wind down. I help wash dishes with a man and a woman on either side of me. The woman has wrinkles around her eyes and the man is barely older than a boy.
"We'll find a way to destroy the Fates and set you free," I whispher to them.
"What? How?" The boy's words are surprised. Disbelieving.
"We will. I promise. We've been journeying through the Fateworld. We've already outsmarted three Fates."
"Good luck," the woman tells me solemnly. She's brave. "I know you will be able to do it. No matter what they say." I smile at her words.
"We'll find a way to let you know when we do."
After the dishes are all done and put away and the kitchen cleaned, all the slaves gather to go home. They are buzzing with talk of our mission. Many of them don't believe in us. And I don't blame them. They've been taught all their lives that our people can't win against the powers of this world. But we will prove them wrong, and they will love us for it.
Many people ask us how we did it. How we got into the Fateworld to begin with. How we resisted the attacks of the Fates. How we kept going. How we found the bravery. Many things. We answer that our love for our children and our love for our people propelled us forwards. We answer that our hope for our future propelled us forwards. And we resisted the Fates by using the power that all the slaves always had. They learn a lot from our conversations. We learn a lot. We learn that hope and dream and thought and love have power. That secrets have power. That friendship and family and peoplehood have power. Deep in the night, when the slaves are supposed to be sleeping, we offer them what knowledge we have. And we tell them to pass it on. And they take that knowledge in their hands. And they promise that they will pass it on.
They offer us knowledge of their own. And it is beautiful, precious knowledge. About how we should always stand together with our fellow slaves, never cause discord amongst ourselves. About how even if we fight, we should remain in solidarity with each other. How we should give each other as much freedom as we can because little bits of freedom come from each other. About how we should always remember that we are loved, we are remembered. That people are always out there somewhere thinking of us. That we are always all connected.
They learn things themselves, by talking of their lives and their experiences and their strengths and their weaknesses and their hopes and their dreams. We learn from speaking of our hopes and our dreams.
They are the slaves of this party hall. Their job is cooking and serving food at parties, preparing for parties, watching the towerpeople celebrate while they toil. They are a community and they love each other.
They have lost children too. The towerpeople love selling children. The towerpeople are heartless. I hope that one day all of our lost children will return to us. We all do. I used to not give weight to my hopes. But now hope feels like an inevitability rather than a frivolity.
We all search the kitchen that we're locked inside for anything different. Anything amiss. Anything that can give us a clue as to what to do. The moonlight shining in through the windows and the few candles we light provide us with just enough light. We find nothing. But at least we have each other. At least we have the promises.
A young child calls us the skywalkers. I don't know why they call us this. But oddly enough I think the name fits. I think the name fits quite well.
But finally it is time to sleep. They will be too tired the next day if they do not sleep now. So that's the end of that.
Saying goodbye, we look around the kitchen. We find nothing. Frustrated and dejected, we go back to the Fateworld, and quietly try to formulate a plan.
"This is the hardest part of the journey yet. We're winning no victories." Katapa sighs.
"Don't worry," Anderei reassures her, "we'll find something."
"We've mostly taken things as they came so far." My tone is reflective.
"Well something better come soon." Lilith's words have a frustrated edge.
We find another ripple in the sky and follow it. We get to a house. It's larger than it needs to be, just like other towerpeople houses. We crouch down beside a window that leads to the next room.
"But master," we can hear a voice on the other side say, "I need to take care of my own baby too."
"But we need you here, we would be so lost without you. Do you think we could take care of our house, take care of our baby, take care of our parents without your help? You will be staying here."
"Thank you for your compliments." Her entire tone has changed. It's hopeless. Dead. Submissive. Yet it carries with it a fake saccharine sweetness. "I love helping the family keep itself going. I will work hard for you. I promise."
I feel sick to my stomach.
"We have to help her," Katapa whispers.
"But how?" Lilith replies.
Before we can do anything we find ourselves tumbling back to the Fateworld.
"Why the f**k?" I look around dizzily.
"So you lot are the ones who have been digging around my domain!" She has a chipper, bright voice. Yet still her voice carries more hatred and threat than I've heard in a while, and that's saying a lot. She's wearing a yellow and blue dress of soft shining satin with so many frills and buttons and lace. Her shining golden hair is in curls all around her head and down her back. Her kohled eyes are full of malice and brightly smiling. I force myself to not be scared of her.
"And why should we fear you?" I demand.
"Because, sweet summer child," she mocks, "I'm the strongest of the Fates."
She smiles and it's blindingly white. For a moment my head spikes with pain and my whole vision whites out. When it fades back into clarity I am in a strange trance.
"I do have to thank you though," the Fate is telling us in a grating voice, "your work and your toil and your willingness to listen to us is so necessary and invaluable to our lives and society."
"Thank you," all four of us echo at the same time. Pulled to. Forced to. "We are happy and grateful to improve your lives." My words are scraping into my chest and hollowing out my soul.
"Your work is very necessary."
"And that is why we are delighted to work." I can feel my light get dimmer.
"Without you our economy would collapse. Society would collapse. That is why you must stay in your places."
"We will stay in our places."
"You must be grateful to us as well."
"Of course we are grateful to you." I am choking inside. But my voice, against my wishes, sounds bright and cheerful. I feel heavier and heavier inside, teetering on the brink of collapse.
"Be grateful that we took you from your stupid, savage, backwards ways and we made something of you."
"We are very grateful." I can feel my sanity chipping away.
"Be grateful that we civilized you and that we provide for your each and every need."
"We are grateful that you keep us alive and provide for us." I fight hard against her magic. For control of my mind. For control of my words. For control of my body. For control of myself. But I cannot.
"And you are grateful that we give you the opportunities to make something of yourselves."
"We are grateful." I feel my soul getting heavier and heavier, until it's about to drop out of my body.
"Hey," someone whispers in my ear. I am so surprised that I find the strength to whip my head around. I see Lilith hiding behind the shelf beside me. "I found a way to trick her. You have to focus all your energy on creating a false self. She'll direct and control and dehumanize your false self. But that will be a false self. You will be hidden behind it. And you will be free from her wrath." I listen to her intently as the Fate keeps making me speak those horrible words.
"Repeat in your mind after me," Lilith continues. "I am not what she says she am. I am a person who deserves respect. I do not deserve to be anyone's slave. I am lying to her. I am lying to her. It's just a false front I am putting up for her. The true me she'll never know. The true me only I will know. Only my people will know. I am lying to her. I am lying to her. Putting up a false front. The true me she will never know. The true me only I will know. Only my people will know."
We repeat those words again and again and again, my mind accompanying as Lilith speaks out loud, while the Fate makes me repeat the words of submissiveness.
Soon enough I can feel the skin of a false doll forming, over my own skin like a shield. It comes from dream out into reality. A front that I can hide behind. And as it becomes increasingly tangible I find myself hiding behind it. It speaks the words the Fate makes it speak and I think secret thoughts of rebellion in hiding.
When the Fate's eyes are on one of the other people I dart behind a shelf. I find myself beside Anderei.
"Anderei," I call out secretively, "I know how you can get free."
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