On And Off And On Again

Looking at you

I see pale marred skin

a map of scars, big and small

all leading to that still sheltered heart

and traces of darkness in blood and light

flickering in your eyes, on and off and on again.

Thinking of you,

I think of a strong heart beating within

weakened by mistakes and yet you still stand tall

What you call a disgrace, I call a work of art.

While I think, electricity in the air, I see the night

flickering in your eyes, on and off and on again.

Author's Note

Imma sap, Imma sap, Imma sap Imma sap IMMA SAP! :B
Anyone ever accidentally hear the "I'm a map song" from Dora the Explorer? XD
Anyway, I loved how it turned out, personally. Let me know what you think, please, so leave a review on your way out. :)

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

off course i will review ,this is a great work..
I see pale skin ,scarred and marred,they lead me to a disarrayed heart
blood and light flicker in those eyes..heart weakened by mistakes yet
it beats hard and you stand tall,never a disgrace ,you are a piece of art
night flickers in your eyes ,on and off,but their light will always shine
lovely write..

[Jean]

I really like this. :)

You used the repetition of on and off and on again so well! It was perfectly positioned in the poem.

The only thing I would think about changing would be the line "What you call a disgrace, I call a work of art." There's a tiny cliche in there with the "work of art" part. :| Plus its a little too direct. I think this line should be changed.

I love everything else though. :)

Jean

[Georgia Gypsy]

I love this! You have done a great job as usual!!

Being a sap is not a bad thing, it brings a wonderful side of you to us so we can truely appreciate your work in all areas that you write about!!

[Bud]

It's good to be a sap! It's good to be sap! The days are warmer, the nights are brighter. Smiles light your somber, and laughter fills your nights. It's great to be a sap. Here's my review, what I think about what you do:
Exquisite, this one is. Astonishing, Miss. Outstanding Performance, I bow to you. Excellent work that does entrance, this art so true. I applaud you with standing ovation. As I leave here, leaving you my notation. : >)

[deeps]

This is such a well written write here. I really enjoyed this write. I can really feel the emtion and It's quite beuatiful.

[Hello, Goodbye]

good concept.. i think it has a decent flow and structure.. a nice read for sure.