Backlash

My stomach knots when I think of what you said.

I can’t see I can’t
see I can’t see I can’t see
I can’t see I can’t

can’t I?

walk straight, young man,
the people who matter are here

smile for the camera, boy,
people have to look at this one

black and white, black and white
black and white, black and white

gray?

do it my way, kid,
or else.

or else?

your mother won’t be proud

bullshit.

jesus will warm his hands
over you

perhaps.

do the dead speak to you, uncle?

see I can’t see
I can’t see I can’t see I
can’t see I can’t

see?

Author's Note

Thanks for your thoughts.

Reviews

[Emily B]

You can nearly always tell when the words have to get out. When they have churned and stewed and boiled over until they fill the area all around us. These words are those runaway/get out of the way kind of words. A courageous young write. I think you will find the words erupt/spew/spill over more often than you will engineer them meticulously. The words write us. Looking forward to more such writes . . .

[Clarisse Nanoit]

The poem starts as a swirl of confusion and eventually becomes more clear. Cool technique, one that isn't used often anymore. Not to its full potential, anyway. There are deep-rooted aches associated with this piece, but it's good. Sorry it took me so long to get to this read request.
KH

[LJW]

Makes perfect sense to me.

Everything's gray and damn those who refuse to see it.

Unique. Back to check out more.

[Gypsy Willow]

This is one of those poems that affects me in a way that is difficult to explain... I feel it in my stomach... Does that make sense?

I love the repetition, the solidifying of a thought, only to be questioned...

Beautiful job, as always.

[Markymark]

SO.....How did the picture turn out? I think I followed this one.

I like poetry like this.

Thanks for sharing.

Markymark

[Robert Luna]

Such a truly intense read I must say the words seem to come rushing at me from all different directions. Made for a very deeply eye opening within myself as I feel myself crowding wishing to dig deeper into root of a heart beat that seem so strong and racing. The imagination had a bit of color blindness in a sense of trying to see the scene itself unfold. Very enjoyable.


Great Job!!!!!!!

[TL Boehm]

there is a palpable desperation to this piece. It is undeniable and must be read. It clamors to the soul to be understood. I found it - for its simple words - a formidable write. I've missed your pen.

[Spoken]

I agree with emily, the feelings were boiling inside and they've spilled out in the form of these words. This type of piece is pure emotion and often the most felt from the reader. Very well expressed and something I can take in to relate in my own personal way

I like the repetative "I can't see" I can feel the tension mounting.