Eden

Eden

A serpents sly enchantments meant to devour beautiful intentions. The fruit of treason sits inside of a mouth full of betrayal. Trespassing on perfections curious soul.The nectar of forbidden truths is bitter on the tongue. Detestable and clothed in treason's shame. In the belly it rests, a jagged heavy stone. The pangs of an arduous birth, bearing the child of death. Sin is born. A beast to be the burden for the offspring it produces. Despair howls and wails in the heavens at this conception. It flows from above as a raging sea. Waves casting its inhabitants out into destitution. Exiled from a utopian universe, swords wielding fire shutting them out. Bound to their newborn in shackles and chains. Sentenced to be slaves to this creature.. crying out "send us a savior for we have lost Eden".

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, I value constructive feedback.

Reviews

[David Scott]

I felt the "betrayal" here well.
From a pure and naked Eden to be, "clothed in treasons shame" . (*treason's* btw.)
I agree with the philosophy and generational inheritance of sin you show here as well.
The last line begs me to offer a comment. Only the "Serpent" and his minions are cursed without redemption. We are born into a slavery to sin, but we have a sure redemptions paid in full is we will choose to be servants of a Master of Love.
A poem thick with the consequences of sin...
Well conceived.

[M Sanders]

I agree with you comment on the last line. I have very intense dreams and this came to me in one of those dreams. I wrote this as it was conceived in my subconscious. A debt had to by paid to gain that redemption so please understand that this speaks of the beginning of sin and death. In the the eyes of Adam and Eve they had to carry the burden of consequence for the choice made. Hence a curse without redemption . Thank you for your thoughts kind sir. I always look forward in hearing your thoughts.

[Mother Maggie]

This is an interesting piece and very well done. I see a more traditional, mainstream version of the exile from Eden and the 'fall of man'. I look at these events a bit differently--I've never bought into the theory that knowledge is death--it is enlightenment. Without Gnosis, how can we truly have free will?

It was not fruit
plucked from the branches
it was the flesh of gnosis
gleaned from amid the roots
the feet of the lilith tree
The gray pungent flesh infused
dripping the knowledge of the ages
that brought exile from bliss
of ignorant innocence
initiating the gnostic age

[M Sanders]

Thank you for reading:) I would agree with your thoughts as well. This poem came to me in dream and I wanted to share my subconscious.

[unsavable_soul]

Intense,
This has very powerful and dooming mental imagery and the use of biblical material here is well suited, i would say it is the perfect theme and ever well written within those ever strict confines. This carries weight also in it's almost I want to say Greek form as to use description often as the whole of idea conveyance. I will be honest as I feel it is best, I felt the lines themselves were a bit disconnected in this. Each lines being strong and with beauty but felt hard to move through this with a steady flow and Idea. That said this was still a very nice piece and I must say I like this a lot.

"In the belly it rests, a jagged heavy stone
The pangs of an arduous birth, bearing the child of death "

My favored portion. This was very descriptive and unique. It made me think of belly of the beast. And it moved itself along with smooth imagery that was profound and telling of the pain of knowing no good will come of the inevitable.
Very nice work on this art Sanders.
Sincerely
Christopher
99/100

[M Sanders]

Thank you for your honesty:) I am happy with this peice though it may be a subject matter that most may not want to review.

[unsavable_soul]

Ah, they can get over themselves.
It's great that you're happy with it, this is your art. We are finger prints from children on the glass in the frame. Still can't touch it.
Keep up the art Sanders.
Chris