"Lost In I Wasn't Thinking"

I could try to recover, these pictures in my mind

But their substance abuse suffered

Hid beneath the covers.

I can’t convey the right from the wrong,

If you drink too much and lye half awake in your head

Is it ok for a person to take advantage of you in bed?

Ok, boo hoo. Not anything I can undo

My teenage self to unaware

To sense some outted prison inmate would not care.

But they told me there was a party,

Up at hotel six

I drank a lot, he made the call now tears I’m dealing with.

The night collapsed into a dark room

With friends disappearing

And intentions misconstrued

I couldn’t remember but I do remember

You

Your ugly face so misconstrued.

Thanks a lot for making me feel like a w***e,

A drunken b***h, and not much more.

I didn’t know, thought there was a party

Or maybe I was searching for a damaged fix.

But I wasn’t, this s**t I’m not taught,

But when you started you continued when I said stop.

Got arrested the morning between 6 am and the front door.

From all the walls you punched out,

And the silence on my mouth.

And I was young and I was stupid looking for a void to fill,

But you demons lurched,

And now I know how to cure this kill.

So I’ll keep my dignity,

Remember what is left of me,

And stop having an excuse, to fuse within the shore.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is intense, confessional type stuff, much similar to denise levertov or anne sexton of the Beats.

a little bit ginsberg too..

self-depricating as Plath (whom i saw you really like..did my masters thesis on her and sexton...wonderful poets...next to dickinson, plath is my second favorite.

dark, intense, like your writing...

yet there is a playfulness at the same time which is engaging.

even in this sad, dark piece..."boo hoo, nothing i can undo"

sometimes we get into situations and wonder how it ever happened...but we have to give ourselves a break...we are, after all, human.

you are a really strong writer...with an attitude that punches the reader in the face...in a good way...and we want to come back into the ring for more.

[Starfruitanimal]

this feedback really keeps me motivated. i've been having some artists blocks but i suppose everyone does. thank you so much

[Epipsychologist]

This happens so much more often than people think. Really good write though. I especially like the beginning "But their substance abuse suffered/ hid beneath the covers."

[Starfruitanimal]

i know it does... thanks for the comment !

[Kelsey]

This is such a powerful piece. You really feel for the girl and see how strong she must be to get through such a terrible experience. Very nicely written, I enjoyed. x

[Starfruitanimal]

thank you so much :)