Tearing apart

I’ve reached for a bottle that wasn’t there

I’ve mastered the silent scream

I’ve worked out how to feel the pain

Without it showing as a split in the seam

I’ve realised that I’m doing it

I’ve tried to convince myself it’s wrong

I’ve tried to make it work

But I keep on with the same song

I’ve spoken it through to people

I’ve repeated in my head

I’ve thought about it hundreds of times

But I can’t stomach the lead

I’ve lost all control of the thinking

I’ve lost all the power I did once hold

I’ve lost any purpose I had originally 

But I’m pretty sure I still control the mould 

I’ve not actually lost any control 

I’ve not actually stopped thinking

I’ve just started playing mind games with myself 

And  I know that my side is shrinking 

I’ve decided there is nothing I can do

I’ve decided there is no path to take

I’ve decided to follow what I don’t believe in 

It’s for other good and their sake 

Author's Note

Hope you like this - If there is a psychologist reading this who has a clue what it might meanm please feel free to help.