untitled I

sometimes i feel
(then again i don't)
i'm watching the world end
from the bottom of a bottle
(it sometimes works just
like that, doesn't it?)
taking it in, one gulp at a time
the ash and catastophe
burning bright and blinding
(oh how it hurts
(i just don't know)

everything i thought i had
(but i never really did)
came slipping through
right through my clenched fingers
so scared to let it go
and it all just went away
(it sometimes works just
like that, doesn't it?)

just a little figment
of my overactive imagination
love and happiness were
they just weren't meant for me
i'm going to live and die alone
i've accepted that little fact
(oh how it hurts
(it sometimes works just
like that, doesn't it?)

the pain is becoming
just a little too familiar
(i'm becoming desensitized)
wrapped in the apathy
i'll never ever be able to let go of
it's the only thing
that's keeping me here
alive and relatively well
unscarred and ...
destroyed. in a hundred different ways.

the pain courses through my veins
something so familiar to me
i'll never be able to let it go
i've tried time and again and again
but i can't help but cling to it
(at least the pain is real)
their words, just deceptive whispers
picking away at what i thought i had left
chipping away at my blackened heart
(sometimes i feel)
but then again i don't
really notice the pain anymore
i'm so very numb.
it's just a means to an end
becoming this, letting it win
letting the apathy gain control
to keep what sanity i have left
(it sometimes works just
like that, doesn't it?)

sometimes... i wonder...
...if this is the end...
of the world that i see.