I Am Still Here

This explains what happens with the aneurysm in my brain and what comes next.

I was sitting in my chair,
Coding traffic with great care,
Lines of logic, clean and tight,
Trying hard to get it right.

Then a pounding filled my head,
Pain that spread and quickly led
To a message sent in fear-
“It hurts badly!” loud and clear.

In the bathroom, feeling weak,
Couldn’t stand or even speak,
Everything began to fade…
Then I slipped into the shade.

Woke up in a hospital room,
Mind surrounded, thick with gloom,
Couldn’t think or understand,
Just “yes” or “no” at each command.

Casey standing there in tears,
Holding on through all her fears,
Once so close, a love so true…
Now I didn’t know what to do.

I’m still here, I’m still strong,
Even when it feels all wrong,
Piece by piece, day by day,
finding my way back.

Through the loss and through the pain,
I will build my life again,
Step by step, patiently-
Time will shape the best of me.

Months went by - so slow, so long,
Memories faded, slipped from song,
Even emails drifted away,
Lost and gone from yesterday.

Tried to ride a horse one day,
Helpers guiding all the way,
But the ground felt rough, unclear,
Balance filled my mind with fear.
So I stopped and stepped aside,
Left that path I could not ride.

Trips to Bryn Mawr, long and far,
Riding there inside a car,
Hours lost in traffic lines,
Still I showed up every time.

Speech and movement, day by day,
Slowly finding words to say,
Arms once numb began to try,
Reaching out and asking why.

I’m still here, I’m still strong,
Even when it feels all wrong,
Piece by piece, day by day,
finding my way back.

Through the loss and through the pain,
I will build my life again,
Step by step, patiently-
Time will shape the best of me.

Anyways, I travel there,
Speech therapy with patient care,
Still it’s hard from day to day,
Writing words won’t come my way.

Even now it feels so tough,
Simple lines are still enough,
I don’t like it, truth be told,
Still I write - both brave and bold.

I need help with my right arm,
It won’t feel or stay from harm,
Fingers numb and hard to move,
Hard to guide or even prove.

There’s a brace to keep it straight,
Or it tightens - something I hate,
But I had a surgery done,
Now it opens - progress won!

Still no feeling in my hand,
But I’m learning where I stand,
Even if it’s not the same,
I keep going just the same.

I’m still here, I’m still strong,
Even when it feels all wrong,
Piece by piece, day by day,
finding my way back.

Through the loss and through the pain,
I will build my life again,
Step by step, patiently-
Time will shape the best of me.

Exercise helps me improve,
Every step, I slowly move,
Building strength bit by bit,
Even when I don’t like it.

Then a helper comes to play,
Board games brighten up the day,
“Five Crowns” is one I know,
Sometimes I win - and watch it glow.

There’s a brace upon my leg,
Helping every step I take,
Had a surgery on my foot,
So I could stand and put my weight.

Now I walk, though not the same,
Balance slightly off in frame,
Running’s something in the past…
But I’m moving - growing fast.

Nowadays, I write my poems again,
And I love music - four thousand five hundred and ten!
I still enjoy video games, though slow,
Playing one-handed, yet I go!

Math and words were hard to find,
Lost somewhere inside my mind,
Writing felt so far away,
Still I tried it anyway.

Coding gave me something true,
Terraria felt fresh and new,
Changed the code and made it mine,
Built my world one line at a time.

I’m still here, I’m still strong,
Even when it feels all wrong,
Piece by piece, day by day,
finding my way back.

Through the loss and through the pain,
I will build my life again,
No matter how long it may be-
Time will tell… and I’ll be me.