Utopia

A place where the whisper never has to pass
my slightly parted lips,
never parched...
A place where the lead guilt stops
bouncing between my bitter rib bones,
never bruised.
And you would be there,
of course.
dressed deadly,
all in black from neck to foot...
on entirely different terms then ever before.
hulking arms dropped to your
generous side
itching to hold me
against you.
We would no longer
wander,
rip open wild wounds
that leave us ripe
and afraid to speak.
A place where you never have to scrub at
the red stains on your hands
never sinned,
A place where the past doesn't hang like
a noose around your thick neck
never raw,
and I would be there,
as always,
in garments
of flowing white that never soil...
My eyes would be your protection.
I would kiss you
where the soft light touched
your unforgiving face
and all would be forgiven.

Reviews

[MarkGMelvin]

wow so violently dangerous/seductive
very intriguing

peace
wmmelvin

[deeps]

This is a beautiful write
I like this

[Orlando Murcia]

Very sweet and beautiful

Orlando M

[DavidRyan]

Your words are always authentic. As if you're allowing the reader to peek in on your life and write down everything they see in their most naked state. It's exciting to be a part of it. Exciting to join in on the raw emotion of it all. I feel honored. There's a couple things I might change -- just small little things that I happened to notice. In line eleven I think you meant to use "than" rather than "then". Maybe : I have been known to be wrong. Also, at the very end, I would change it to something different...maybe forgotten? Looked over? Pushed aside? Putting "forgiven" in that place makes it seem repetitive since "unforgiving" was right above it and , while reading, only a half-second before it. Just a few thoughts. All-in-all, you never cease to amaze me.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Yo get so lost in one another that the past becomes amnesia... again your words bring out such deep emotions, this time so full of ripe passion. Another poem I just adore.

[Flo_writer]

You know what I like most about your poetry? They make me think and visualize with every line I read.

"A place where the past doesn't hang like
a noose around your thick neck
never raw,
and I would be there,
as always,
in garments
of flowing white that never soil...
My eyes would be your protection."

I even like the fact that he's dressed in all black and she's in all white. The color of their garments said much to be about their character. I wonder what sins were haunting from the past, and what needed forgiven. Well done.