Thoughts At 3AM

The heavy, iron-gray curtain that had draped over my mind for weeks finally began to fray at the edges. It happened subtly at first--a softening of the sharp glare from the kitchen fluorescent, a sudden, inexplicable interest in the rhythmic ticking of the wall clock. I felt a strange lightness in my chest, as if the gravity in the room had loosened its grip, allowing my thoughts to bob like corks in a calm sea. For the first time in a month, the corners of my mouth twitched upward, unprompted.

I suddenly had a mood lift, then I remembered that I had a glass of whiskey ten minutes ago.

The epiphany was a dull thud against the sudden brightness. I looked down at the coffee table, where a single, heavy-bottomed tumbler sat in a ring of condensation. A tiny amber pool remained, clinging to the glass like a liquid jewel.

I leaned back into the velvet armchair, feeling the fabric’s bite against my neck. Ten minutes. That was all it took for the peat-smoke scent to travel from my throat to my bloodstream, tricking my brain into believing the world was a little kinder than it actually was. The warmth in my belly wasn't joy; it was a chemical combustion, a temporary truce bought with grain and oak.

Outside, the rain streaked the windowpane in jagged, silver veins. The "lift" felt fragile now--a glass house built on a foundation of vapor. I watched the last drop of amber slide down the side of the glass, knowing that when it dried, the gray curtain would likely settle right back into place.

Reviews

[JayG]

• The heavy, iron-gray curtain that had draped over my mind for weeks finally began to fray at the edges.

Really. I kind of hasd the same thing happen. I finally noticed the thing that had been on my mind for weeks, and thought about it while I sat on the toilet.

Are you cheering over that news? No? You say you don't know what I'm talking about because I provided no context?

Good! Now turn that around and apply it to your piece, where someone unknown, in an unknown place, is talking about the EFFECT of an unknown cause, in terms meaningful only to that person.

Throughout, you place effect before cause, making it impossible for the reader to understand what's going on. In fact, at the end of what's posted, the reader knows nothing about the speaker's age, gender, situation, history, or what in the pluperfect hells is going on.

In short: To provide more than words in a row, their meaning uncertain, you need to look into the skills of, and structure of, writing fiction. It's very different from the report-writing skills we're given in school.

[Imagine This]

What you're saying is: I should have provided more context for the reader, so that they aren't left with many unanswered questions after reading the story...I get it, it actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you! And please look out for more improved stories from me ;)

[lizziedoesitall]

Hey! I just read your story, and I’m completely hooked! Your writing is amazing, and I kept picturing how incredible it would look as a comic. I’m a professional commissioned artist, and I’d be so excited to collaborate with you on turning it into one. if you’re up for it, of course! I think it would be a perfect fit. If you’re interested, message me on Instagram(@lizziedoesitall). Let me know what you think!
Best,
Lizzie