The all powerfull remote

Wrote this an afternoon I spent with a friend in her house and seeing her day off.

 

It’s my day to be in control of the remote. I will sit in the couch without anything else in mind than to catch-up on TV programs. The way that my job keeps me going and then the school, and the baby, well, lately my poor 36” HDTV has been abandoned. Except for hubby; when he gets home immediately grabs the remote and goes directly to the sports activity available at that precise moment. The remote is his reason to live and possession for the night. Everything in the world loses meaning when he has his remote. Not today, today I am in control. I have caught-up with school assignment and I have a day off from work. My sister in law decided that the baby should spend the day with her.

 

My sister in law is married, but was not able to have any children. She works in a day-care and that makes up for the lack of any kids in the house. When she decides to take the baby for the day, I immediately drive over and as I speed away, I say “good-bye pick her up at morning.” I wonder if she hears me; the noise of the tires screeching as I leave is pretty loud.

 

I go to the kitchen, and I hear my self humming a melody and feel as if a giant audience is listening and observing how relaxed and happy I am. I make myself a cup of cocoa and grab some cookies; “I shouldn’t eat this junk food, it belongs to hubby”. Today I will be the couch potato. Today I will sit and watch TV. Today I am the queen and the easy chair is my throne.

 

As I try to turn the TV on, I notice that I can’t turn it on. My beloved sack of !#)$*@#* has changed the button arrangement in order to meet his demands. The nerve, here I am having a problem with this damn remote. Am I going to have to regress to the past and stand up and press a button directly on the TV? Holding my composure, I finally figured it out. Just to make hubby happy, I’ll set the remote to the arrangement I feel comfortable with. An evil smile just took over the muscles on my face.

 

There it is, the TV is on. The first thing that pop’s up is a bunch a men running around in tight outfits chasing an almond shape ball. Fist thing that comes into mind when I see that is Darwin's Theory of Evolution; “Oh my GOD!” “Did I just think of the psychology class and school?” It’s my day off, I am alone in the house, I am in control of the almighty and powerful remote and I can’t believe I am thinking about school. As I try to catch my breath and in-between an upcoming anxiety attack, I immediately change channels and to my much needed help and in front of my almost watering eyes, a savior appears; it’s Oprah, ahhhhhh! I am saved. I have seen the light.  Oprah, the master, guru, and counselor of all women; there she is talking about PMS; “not today, Oprah” and I change channels.

 

As I jump from channel to channel I stop to see CNN. Obama is the main subject. I change to MSNBC and McCain is being talked about. The news channels keep us in touch with the paranoia going on in the world, not only informing us about it, but also creating more of it. I change to another channel and there’s this young brunette in an outfit two times smaller than her actual size with her chest trying to make an effort not to explode out of her outfit, and she’s telling us about the weather.

 

I think to myself, “No wonder hubby has become so interested in the weather channel lately”. “It’s going to be a rainy day in Lancaster PA today” I hear her saying just seconds before I delete the channel from the TV guide. I cruise more channels and as I noticed for the first time, I have more channels than I can have even imagined. I see persons selling home necessities, jewelry, aluminum siding, cars, used junk that would make Craig’s list. I see ten weather channels, fifteen sports channels, and five news channels. I see five Spanish soap shows “Besame amor mio, hoys seras mia” are the words I hear from the Hispanic star as I continue to change channels. I see Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, Maury and the ladies from the view. There’s at least ten court shows with Judges enjoying their new found career in television. The comedy show has a stand-up sketch and yet no matter however funny it is, I can’t stop pushing the damn button in the remote and cruising along as if I were cruising a highway in some open country road and the remote is my vehicle. My appetite is tempted as I see the many food choices on the many food and recipe channels.

 

As I cruise through the many children’s shows and through the many reality shows, I find myself wondering about why so many programs. Why am I just sitting here in front of the TV? Why am I blinding myself with this powerful light in a dark room? All these programs and all I feel is an anxiety attack coming. I immediately shut the TV off, grab my cell phone call my best friend while getting dressed and I am headed out the door to the mall. The mall, “that’s’ where I belong.” As I speed off in my car I wipe my hands with the baby’s wipes that I carry in the car all the time; wiping off the scent, wiping of the traces of the all powerful remote.

Taciturn49