When I say "Okay"

A poem about relapsing into self harm

You figured out that my "Okay"
Meant that something was wrong
So on days when I wouldn't tell you
That I could no longer be strong
I started answering "Good" instead
So your life would continue to go on

You helped me talk it out
When you first discovered them
And I started doing better
But this is now, not back then

The weight you lifted off of me
Started coming back down
You thought I was doing fine
When I was really loosing ground
I started wearing pants again
And kept my sleeves pulled down
You didn't care or forgot to notice
And so the signs went unfound

I hid the fact I started again
Even better than before
At least that's what I tell myself
While I'm crying on the floor

Truth is, I need you now more than ever
I am stuck in turbulent weather
And I can't ask you to weather
Through this storm for me

So please, keep believing me when I say "Okay"