Losing My Self Control

For Ben

I read the email you sent.

I just sit,

Unable to grasp the reality that you didn't just ignore me.

I stop breathing,

Almost lose my control and cry.

I sent you a link to a song:

"Bulletproof Love" by Pierce the Veil.

You said "That was nice.

Thank you for the insight."

I can't tell if you mean it

Or if you're angry that I tried to talk to you.

You haven't texted me in three days.

I'm too afraid to say anything,

I already know you hate me.

As the tears start to roll down my face,

They screw up the little bit of makeup I put on.

I don't know why I put any on.

I could never be pretty.

At one point you thought I was,

But I guess reality caught up.

I just wish I could have done something differently.

I just wish I could have made you stay.