UNCERTAIN CHANGES 1957

A LITTLE GIRL IN LONDON AND HER UNCERTAINTY OVER CHANGES IN HER FATHER'S WAY WITH HER IN LONDON IN 1957

She can hear them talking
as she waits in the kitchen
her father's talking
not shouting

her mother is talking soft
not screaming as she does
if she's frightened
or at the end of her tether

and Enid wonders
if everything is all right
as they are not rowing
or fighting

and she hasn't heard
thumping or slapping
she washes up the dishes
and puts them away carefully

so as not to drop them
then her father would
be rushing out
to belt her or slap her

for breakages
but she puts them away carefully
and wipes her hands
on the towel behind the door

and stands there wondering
what to do next
should she go wash
and dress or what?

she undresses and washes
in the kitchen sink
(there is no other sink)
using the red soap

and the towel behind the door
her eyes are closed
as she washes her face
then she hears footsteps

in the passageway
and her father says
what you up to today?
she blinks open her eyes

and sees him there
and puts the towel around her
and says
going out to see Benny

not sure where
we are going
but as it's Saturday
we may go to the cinema

if that's all right
I won't go if you
don't want me to
she mutters

holding the towel
around her
staring at him
large eyed

he's a blur without her glasses
he moves towards her
she sees his
big blur of shape over her

well be careful of the roads
and see your mother
about money for the flicks
he says

and moves off
out of her vision
and she stands there shivering
and wondering if

it is just a joke
or his way of getting her frightened
in a different way
but he hasn't come back

to hit her
she can hear him
talking to her mother
and there is laughter

and she dries herself
and puts on her glasses
and clothes and walks
through the sitting room

walks past them both
at the table
and into her bedroom
and there wasn't a clump

or smack
no shouts at her
just she there
wide eyed with her vacant stare.