INNER FEAR

A 12 YEAR OLD BOY AND GIRL IN LONDON IN 1960

Fay's on the balcony
waiting for me
it's Saturday
and I am surprised

to see her
her dress looks silky
in the morning sun
what are you doing here?

I ask
Dad's out for the day
so I thought
I'd be with you

as much as I can
Mum's out looking
for some place
we can go to

once she leaves
my dad and takes me
with her
and it's so hush hush

that I shouldn't tell anyone
but I can trust you
so here I am
she says

she looks bright
yet a hint of anxiety
is there in her  
sky blue eyes

good to see you
wasn't sure
when I'd see you
I've told no one

I won't ever
I say
where shall we go?
she asks

could go
to the morning
matinee at the flicks
if you like

flicks?
she asks
cinema
I say

o yes we could
but I want to be
with you some place else
where we can

be alone together
and not just
in the dark
of a cinema

she says
ok
I say
let's get a bus

to the South Bank
and sit watch
the Thames and talk
and be alone together

that's good
she says
so I went indoors
and told my mother

where I'd be
and she said
ok be careful
and so we went

down the concrete
stairs of the flats
and into the Square
and got a bus

to the South Bank
and sat on a seat
by the Thames
looking at

the flowing water
and the boats
and ships passing
and she said

once Mum leaves Dad
she says she'll be in sin
but if she doesn't
leave soon she says

she'll go mad
and do something
she'll be sorry for
so it's best to leave

she says
I nod my head
dreading the day
she leaves

with her mother
and she goes on
about where
they might go

but her words
seem distant now
and I am focusing
on her eyes blue

and her lips talking
and her hand
next to mine
and wanting

to touch it
and feel her near
and drive away
this inner fear.