Skyfire

hadn't done a Dystopian piece in a long time.

God has shaded this foggy morning with His richest pencil.
A building stands out in my eye for the one light which glows.
His assemblies all fade in like shadows, so abstract yet gentle.
Art work standing finely above me, as he draws me below.
Why doesn’t He sketch me as I am, with worship and trembles?
I’m stood waiting for the sunrise so that the colours can show.

One by one He draws them; dancing in the dark of this world I love.
Hellions hustle around as the stars hit the ground like fallen angels.
The fog drops are the ashes of the fire in the skyline just above.
The demons start calling my name, voices from haunting faces
before the cracks in the pavement appear, as if this wasn’t enough.
How suddenly my delicate portrait seems insecure and graceless.

And they’re dragging me down, and they circle around my mind.
And I’m holding on tight, but below me they’ve all aligned.
They’re still calling my name in whispers and screams
and I know how it seems, yet this just can’t be a dream.
And I want to hold on, but is this the right place to belong,
below the skyline of flame on this most Dystopian of days?
And my mind fades to blank, and persuades me this is real. 

Reviews

[spiritwind]

You are stunning in both topic and poetic skill. You challenge your reader to think and to feel that which they might not have thought or felt. Utopia and dystopia struggle like angels and demons in your best works--
"One by one He draws them; dancing in the dark of this world I love.
Hellions hustle around as the stars hit the ground like fallen angels.
The fog drops are the ashes of the fire in the skyline just above.
The demons start calling my name, voices from haunting faces
before the cracks in the pavement appear"
Superb!

[TheJordBaker]

thanks once again, I really appreciate it.

[shunik]

i like the title as it is
=]

[TheJordBaker]

thanks

[.]

Wow, this is very beautifully penned, Jordan. Each stanza is full of beautiful imagery, and your rhyme schemes help deliver a firm tone. Great job.

-Cord

[TheJordBaker]

thank you very much Cord, means a lot.

[Cerise]

OMG!!!!..This is fabulous i have no words for such great piece...the way you have written phenomenal..:)

[TheJordBaker]

thanks so much :)

[afra]

very deep and beautiful

[TheJordBaker]

thank you :)

[Mia]

Jordan, you’re such an amazing writer. You’re going to keep having to thank me because I can’t imagine not admiring your work. I love this place so much because I can a lot from other writers. I can learn a lot from you!
“Why doesn’t He sketch me as I am, with worship and trembles?”
“Hellions hustle around as the stars hit the ground like fallen angels.”
“How suddenly my delicate portrait seems insecure and graceless.”
“They’re still calling my name in whispers and screams”
I love how you describe things and feelings. Will you ever cease to amaze me? I think not!

[TheJordBaker]

well you're going to get another massive thank you right now because once again you've made my day!! :)

[Mia]

I'm glad for that :) you're very welcome!!

[Bluefire]

Very dark and intriguing. Good job!

[TheJordBaker]

thank you :)

[Bluefire]

No problem ^^