Blind

Tell me what you see, for I can not.

Can you see the tree beyond this land?

Can you see the truth that's in my hand?

Can I see the passion in your eyes?

I can see the discomfort in all your lies.

What a crushing fact,

that you would turn your back,

on the only thing that ever loved you.

what a crushing blow, 

to destroy me, yeah I know.

The only thing you'll ever do,

Is push me away from you!

Can I see anguish cry?

Can I see it all fly by?

Can you see me standing hear waving?

Can you see me leaping, screaming?

I am crushed that you would ignore the signs.

I flash my light at you all the time!

Hoping for some sign of notice.

Maybe then you can realize bliss.

I never want to turn back,

Never want to go away.

You will never lose my voice.

I will fade from day..

Again.

Why does this scene replay?

Why can't I get our kisses out of my head?

I feel like I'm losing the grip.

Just like I lost the touch of your lip.

Why must the weight of your words crush me?

Why can't I just open my eyes and ears to hear and see?

It's just me..

Reviews

[Alejandra]

I very much enjoyed it. I like the message and the emotion. My poems are very freestlye. I'm 14. And I'm a beginner. But I don't believe poems need a format or guidelines to follow. So I guess that's why I write freestyle. Don't worry so much about ryhming. I almost never do. Just focus more on portraying and enhancing the emotion. That way readers can get a strong reaction. But aside from that, I thought it was fantastic.

[TheLastEclipse]

I don't try to focus on rhyming... It just happens now. It is a very bad addiction

[Alejandra]

Ohhh ok. Well I still very much enjoyed it. And i agree with the commets. It does kinda sound like a song. :)

[mandy]

i think it is an honest effort, and the emotion shows through. maybe needs some polishing. i liked it,,,and i'm still learning myself.

[gloomysundays]

I think your poetry is very ordinary, I suppose. I'd actually really like to see you write a song as they seem more like song lyrics than verses of a poem. Something that very much bothers me is that you actually wrote "yeah I know" as part of your poem. It quite literally just struck me and I stared at it wondering how someone could butcher such a nice poem for the sake of rhyming. It was a downer for the most part. Aside from that, the structure is questionable but not terrible.

I think you just need to practice and you'll get a hang of it quickly. You're only 15 and you're not a terrible writer, just a beginner like most of us start out. Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
75/100

[TheLastEclipse]

I can agree with that.

[Ella]

Awh! So sad but so beautiful! Such a sad song (Yes I sang to it :P), but it tells such a heart filled story.

[TheLastEclipse]

Thank you. :) And you should sing to it. Let it stir within :) Art should do that! Let your imagination roam free!

[Ella]

Well, I did so :$ it really did get me thinking.