The Keeper

Beautiful music plays in the distance

An enchanting sound that holds such beauty

No matter what I do I simply can't resist it

I lose control of my limbs and begin to run

The power it holds over me is beyond compare

Into the trees I go, underneath the setting sun

The music gets louder as I dart deeper into the woods

A thorn pokes me in the side but the melody makes me numb

The corners of my mouth turn into a smile though I don't know how they could

Thats when I see the most amazing thing

The Keeper of the Forest is beckoning for me

I step forward and in his hands he holds a ring

A diamond so fetching that my greedy hands reach out for it

But he pulls it away and it disappears

I was a bit too esurient I must admit

Then the Keeper of the Forest is gone in the blink of an eye

The meeting was so evanescent I'm not even sure if it was real

I can't believe that such a regal person would leave without a goodbye

Reviews

[Rosalind Gale]

I would say do not worry about punctuation too much - I feel and see you in these words. You transcend and delight with words, words alone. Do not stop, ever.

Rosa -x-

[cartera]

I think the sparsity of punctuation keeps the piece moving along and creates, maintains, the breathlessness of the protagonist.
I confess I'll have to go and look up 'esurient' , haven't ever come across this one before I do not think.

[Owlgirl]

Magical, enticing, beautiful. You may want to work on format or punctuation so it would be read maybe more the way you intended it to be read, but hey, it's an amazing poem.

[TheReal]

Hard to believe you're 13... You write with great eloquence. Keep writing. This is great.

[eeoopig]

Nice poem :) its flows really well

[Jasmine Thousand]

The flow of this is amazing, the word choice is brilliant. There's a story hidden in here. I enjoyed reading this.

~*Jasmine Thousand~*

*100**

[Kelsy]

Beautiful music plays in the distance
An enchanting sound that holds such beauty...
I love this begining.Vividly illustrated.Great job.Brava

[TC Dunn]

Oh beautiful. It would be interesting to see you turn this poem into a short story... The Keeper of the Forest... so intriguing. "I lose control of my limbs and begin to run" I loved this line. I can just see someone running through the brush... panting... reacting on instinct alone. Great work here. Truly enjoyed it.

[DeliriousCerises]

I like the story you tell with such a smooth flow of the poetry it represents. The story is simple, short, but has a good message, and was just fun to read. An enchanting journey.