silence

let me touch your voice when it isn't silent;

let not the mute of your written words define your love,

push pass and give me the sound of your heart,

press my ear to sweet utterances describing

fantasies though they will never render.

 

always if they must my feet will callous on roads to you

and crooked fingers pry Hell's terrain.

i will feel the yoke of a thousand miles

and trudge them all 

to berth my soul as your witness.

 

a bitten pity in purgatory,

cursed with the taste of a quiet venom

because you scream at me in empty consonance.

just a whisper, just a mutter...

no matter how audible,

just to disperse this forsaken fume.

 

 

 

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

There are definitely some things I like about this (turning "callus" into a verb, the "taste of quiet venom"). On the reverse, there is very little direction in terms of punctuation or capitalization, so the reader could get lost in the phrasing and not be sure of the direction. Also, even though you have some lovely images like I mentioned, there are also some weaker, cliched moments (screaming in silence, a snake equated with purgatory, feeling the weight of years on your back). However, nicely done!

[m.s.early]

(: duly noted. thank you for such a constructive review :)