Everything Within You

You are everything and everything is a part of you.

She said: "Love me in yourself,

See the Universe within you,

The starlight's in the sky,

In the reflection of your smile"

Then she took my hand in hers

And my breathing to her breast

And inside her, my whole world

Became a black hole of desire

And when the pastel sky awoke

Upon the morning sun's arrival,

On my cheek did press the warmth

From the reflection of her smile.

Author's Note

Did I use quotations properly in the first stanza?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

In the first stanza, I would delete ending single quote ( ' ) at the end of first 3 lines. Just use starting & ending double quotes.

I feel a deep hole of neediness in this narrator & this intense longing is strongly-stated in your creative words. I'm not sure I like the "black hole of desire" at the end of 2nd stanza. If I were writing this, I would stick with the more light & upbeat themes, such as in the 3rd stanza. Here's an idea: "a bottomless hole of desire" . . . or "throbbing ocean of desire" -- just a couple ideas to spark your imagination. I enjoy a love poem that uses fresh imagery from nature to help us "feel" the lightness of how it can be.

[TheUnrulyWriter]

Thanks for the grammatical tips! Dialouge in poety is SOOO confusing for me!!! As for changing "black hole of desire", it would go completely against the meaning of the poem, haha. I often use themes of darkness and lightness to represent the contrast infinity and fleeting moments (respectively), including in this poem.

In this piece, the "black hole" represents the realer and more infinite darkness within the universe, so changing the phrase to something that insinuates something more light and upbeat would change the meaning of the poem entirely. It would go from "love yourself and the deepness of the universe because they are one in the same" to "allow yourself to become distracted by shiny things".

I hope this makes sense, haha... And thank you again for the review!!!!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. ...::::)))))

[Sami Khalil]

A very good message with immense implications. Glad you have penned...:)...............

[TheUnrulyWriter]

Thank you for the kind review! I'm glad you enjoyed my work :)