Zack and the Magic Goats

A comedic adventure short-story by Ben Miller

Waiting for his cab to arrive in North Carolina, Zack was bored. He started thinking about his parents at home at their farm. He wondered if they would miss him now that he was moving to North Carolina. He got out his phone and started playing Geometry Dash. He would have rage quit at X-step if his phone hadn’t died anyway. Finally, he decided to lay his head back and just fall asleep.

“Wha?” Zack asked drowsily. SLAM!!!!! “OW!” exclaimed Zack. “All right, all right, I’m up.” Or was he? He was surrounded by goats. “Does North Carolina have a lot of goats?” Zack wondered aloud. “Am I already there?” He was sitting and watching the goats, when suddenly, a grazing goat was lifted into the air. It hovered around the other goats and settled down in a nice, thick, dewy patch of bright green grass near Zack. The goat said: “Zack. You must travel to the Goku Family Farm and retrieve the magic goats. Once this task is complete, you must return to Ireland to bring us to our rightful farm in Dublin. The McLaughlin Farm.” “WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?” yelled Zack, confused. One other goat spooked at this yell, and spit out a fireball of flaming grass. All the other goats scattered, and the spooked goat charged Zack. It’s head down, it smacked Zack hard in the side. The blow knocked all air out of Zack and sent him flying over the cliff, to plunge into the sea and never be seen again. Or so Zack thought.

“Kid,” said a rough voice from above. Was this another goat? This time an angel? “Kid!” the voice said again, very un-goatlike. “KID!!!” the voice yelled. Zack jerked himself awake. “We’re at the Enterprise Car Rental. Pay and get out!” The cab driver told Zack. Angry Driver Man mumbled something about kids these days, and waved goodbye to Zack as he exited the cab. He thought about his dream as he walked in. What if it wasn’t a dream, but a vision? He decided what to do. He would follow the dream.

“Welcome!” said the reception lady cheerily. “How can we help you today?” “Can I rent the Subaru Outback that that I saw, well, out back?” Zack asked. “I’m sorry, that car is out for cleaning. What about the 2016 Cadillac?” replied the reception lady. “Deal.” Zack said. He initialed here and there, signed there, initialed over there, signed here, and signed on the line in the corner. In his new rental, he drove to his new home at 9000 Over Lane in Whack County, North Carolina. On his way there, he passed several fields of goats. He wasn’t quite sure, but he thought that each one was staring at him as he passed.

The moment he got home, he left again, to go to a library and look up “Goku Family Farm” (He didn’t have a computer hooked up yet, and his phone was dead.). He arrived and got straight on a computer. He typed in Goku Family Farm and all he got was a lot of random anime shows. Confused, he asked the librarian if she knew anything about it. She just gave him a look that said: are you stupid? and asked, “Where are you from?” “Ireland,” Zack replied. “Oh. Makes sense then,” she said, and then went back to shelving books as if he wasn’t there. Finally, after looking through everything he could find in the G section, Zack decided to take a drive around the countryside. He hoped to spot a sign that said “Goku Family Farm; get your pumpkins here.”

He returned to his car, put the key in the ignition, and promptly crashed into a sign post. “Ooooh… That’s going to put a dent in the car and my wallet…” complained Zack as he drove away.

How lucky Zack would be, he never knew. After only 45 minutes of driving, he spotted a sign that read “Goku”. He read the rest of the sign and realized it was an ad for the same T.V. show he had seen in the library. Then, 30 minutes later was when he got lucky. He saw a sign saying “Goku Family Farm! (Not currently farming Dragonballs.)” The sign showed an anime character enthusiastically pointing to a gravel road. He turned onto the gravel road. Suddenly, a wild Goku appeared! Zack got out of the rental and prepared to fight.

KRACK! With a sickening thud, Zack was down in one punch (Maybe he’s not Goku, but One Punch Man?). ONE HIT K.O.! He came to just in time to see a goat use telekinesis to dump Goku in a nearby trash can. “I’m baaaack!” the goat bleated in a surprisingly Sonic-like voice. With a terrible headache, Zack sat up. “I’m here to save the magic goats!” He declared, and fell back again, not to wake up again for several hours.

By the time Zack woke up, it was late into the night. Cold and alone (except for a handful flying goats), he had no way to get back home because he didn’t know where he came from. He had no jacket, no jeans, and not even a long sleeve shirt to keep him warm. While he huddled in the grass next to the few goats that were still on the ground,

he wondered how he would get home, much less load a dozen goats onto a plane and fly to Ireland. When he finally decided to ask the goats about this, the goats replied: “We fly on our own.”

Immediately, he jumped on a goat’s back and got ready to experience the air above him and the wind in his face. As they rose into the air, he noticed the air got thinner and colder. He tried to mention that, as well as that the fact that they had no idea where they were supposed to be going, but they could not hear him over the rushing wind. He decided to just sit back and relax, which was hard to do considering the thin air, quick winds, and low temperatures. As he thought about it, he realized that it really was truly wonderful, like on a Pegasus, but without the constant flapping of wings tickling your knees. As he thought, he passed out from lack of oxygen and pneumonia. For the second time in one day, Zack was plunging towards the ocean, never to be seen again. Or so he thought.

The goat noticed this and immediately pulled into a nosedive to catch Zack. It was too late. He plunged into the deep dark ocean. BUUUT fat having the property of high buoyancy, he quickly floated to the surface and was retrieved by a goat, and carried him the rest of the long trip to Ireland. “His bright green hair tastes like shampoo. And now my teeth hurt.” The goat complained. But all the same, they were happy to see him alive when the herd of magic, flying goats landed at Beaumont Hospital in Dublin, Ireland.

The receptionist was extremely confused when she saw a dozen goats walk in with a fainted teen, but still accepted the goats’ request for emergency care. But seeing as goats might be a health risk, she quickly sent them outside to graze on the lawn. Zack woke up to a nurse handing him a pudding. “Oh, great!” the nurse said. “You’re awake!” “We have to Identify you. I will read these aloud, and, when I am done, you must say yes or no if these details match up.” He explained to Zack. Then, he began. “Zack McLaughlin, 19, 159lb, 5”11’, bright green hair, Irish.” “Yep, that’s me.” Zack replied. “Well, you lost a few pounds, and caught pneumonia from the cold night air, but whatever crazy accident you had, you’ll be fine in 3 weeks.” He informed Zack. “By the

way, you have a visitor.” The nurse said as a goat in scrubs trotted in. It was the goat that told him about his quest! “I heard your name is McLaughlin?” the goat queried. “Yep.” Answered Zack. Then Zack realized what the goat meant. “McLaughlin Farm!” Zack yelped. “My parents had magic goats and they never told me!?” “Now, now, don’t get too worked up.” The nurse told Zack. He was right. Zack had a headache from just talking. He said good-bye to the magic goat, and ate his pudding.

3 weeks later, Zack was saying good-bye to his parents and a dozen goats, getting ready to get on the plane back to America. On his way home, he thought about his adventure with the goats. When he finally arrived at 9000, Over Lane, Whack County, North Carolina, he settled down. He went to college and found a job, and will live there for the rest of his life. That was how Zack saved the magic goats, and he felt great about it. Helping people (or magic goats) is a good thing that makes you feel as good as the people you helped.