The Fallacy of Gentle Age

An observation long standing...

There’s a fallacy that people grow wiser, kinder, nicer with age. In truth, the opposite is often the case. Time multiplies losses and amplifies sorrows. Age ravages the body, turning crooked, the mind. Survival becomes paramount -and survival hardens.

So people grow selfish, mean, insecure, paranoid. They cling when they should release. They learn craftiness, turn sneaky and manipulative, brandishing their years like a silver shield -like some kind of passport to all things legitimate. Narcissism seeps in through the cracks: every conversation circles back to them, their past glories, their supposed irreplaceability, ad infinitum.

In reality, these self-proclaimed paragons of virtue can be the most blatantly self-serving megalomaniacs, stopping at nothing in their desperation to get what they want before death’s eagle swoops in and carries them away -kicking, thrashing. Evidence abounds: look around you, look at the world stage, and you’ll see innumerable old rogues doing us no favors by hanging on. 

Of course, not all are bad. But the stereotype of the white-haired angel, radiating sweetness and light, is now a myth. Because, in this day and age, more often than not, they’re not.

Author's Note

Recent world events seem to validate my thoughts on the matter...
Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[FlatDaddy]

Well, I'll be 78 in October, so I guess I qualify as an old geezer. So what qualifies you to judge us old folks, Divya? Do you think there are too many of us in government, making the rules for everyone of every age, race and religion? Well, you might be right about that if it were true. Is it that you think, at least here in the USA, that the rich old ones heavily tax everyone else and keep the balance for themselves? Perhaps, but we only do it because we like it that way. Is it because most old folks are set in their ways and abhor new ways of thinking and doing things and object because we don't have any idea of what you're ... what?? I don't understand what you mean and I just don't want to think about it. Do you think that we just can't keep up with the times, that we can't follow your logic? I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

I could go on and on about your misguid... oops, I'll have to finish this tomorrow if I remember to come back. Can you call to remind me? I have to take my meds now and it's past my bedtime; 8 pm already. (yawn)

FD?

[DIVYA]

Dear FlatDaddy,
Wow. You’re 78?? I’d have never guessed from your writings. They’re so young, lively and energetic! My heartiest compliments to you for holding up so well because at that revered age, the thought process is usually truncated and people mostly come up with brief, succinct offerings or stuff they’ve been regurgitating for a lifetime! But you, you enthrall your readers with chapters and chapters of lively, rib-tickling comedy, fun, entertainment and humor!
Coming to if I am qualified to judge old folks, well there are no hard and fast rules on what would qualify me to do so but in a free world, I’m certainly entitled to my opinion. And gleefully, I do opine with a whole lot of data to support me. Personally too, I’ve spent a lifetime dealing with people above a certain age and rarely, if never have I found them to be reasonable. On the other hand, they’re usually belligerent, rigid, inconsiderate and generally inward-looking in their attitudes. As you said, they’re usually set in their ways and abhor change but we know that change is the only constant and will wash them away in its tsunami.
It certainly bothers me that too many seniors are in governments, in high places and corridors of power, at this moment, disrupting world order, being hegemonic, placing self above humanity, being instruments of mass mortality. Would you support that? Will you deny they aren’t old? Is that how old people are supposed to behave? My friend, there’s something called impaired judgement, there’s a scientific basis for senility and that’s why there’s something called retirement otherwise most of us would be going on working till we dropped dead. (I shudder at that possibility for myself)
Having said that, I’m not saying that senior people should retreat into a corner. Sure, take a platform, sure lead the way but do it if you have your reasoning intact, do it in a way that supports the human cause, at large. Let it not be a stage show with the main character as yourself.
In the end, there’s an Einstein for every Stalin. There’s a Mahatma Gandhi for every Mao Tse Dong and a Mother Teresa for every Ali Khomeini. So what do they tell us? What direction do they spell out for old people to take?
Thank you so much for engaging with this piece. It questions stereotypes and most people will stay away, which I understand. I really appreciate you for being on this page.
Enjoy your meds, have a lovely rest and wake up to a new day of fabulous writing!
Warm regards,
D

[FlatDaddy]

Well, young whippersnapper (that's something old people called young people back in the days of yore). Yore what, I don't know. That's not a joke, I really don't know. But that's age for ya; you see, we old folks always think we're right (all those OTHER old folk, of course. Not me. Because I don't think I''m always right. I KNOW I'm always right. Of course, you think I'm trying to be humorous now -- and you're right. See, I'm right again! I'm glad you are enjoying "The Secret," by the way. You ARE enjoying it, right? Of course you are. See how this works? Of course you do. Oh, one other thing you should know about old people is that they like to repeat themselves. Right? Of course it is. Also, old people like to repeat themselves. Right? Right? Of course.

FD

FD

[FlatDaddy]

"revered age"? geeze! "Can't tell from my writing?' Wow. I never knew we old geezers write differently. I suppose it's the smell from the ink we make from our terbacky juice. Wal, goldangy, m'am -- now what wuz my point agin?

[DIVYA]

I'm cracking up here. I get your point. :)

[Arundass TP]

In psychology, there are various/ numerous factors that keep a person moving and interacting with surrounding s. Philosophy of life ties a person, moreover deterioration of cells in the brain ( inside) / neurons effect thinking and behaviour. Environment has the major role in individuals behaviour
Good writing. So I don't want to live too many years.

[DIVYA]

Thank you so much, dear Arun. I share yiur thoughts in not wanting to drag out my existence, once I begin losing reason.
Warm regards, happy weekend.

[Arundass TP]

Welcome friend 😊

[Chris Shaw]

Hello dear DIVYA. The aging process which can be so cruel on body and on the mind has turned many a kind angel into grumpy stubborn gits. I try to tip toe carefully through the tulips but I’m sure I’ve probably crushed one or two in my time too. Loving the comments on this very entertaining read, threaded with some well needed humour in the politically challenging days we find ourselves in. Have a beautiful day dear friend.

Chris

[DIVYA]

Dear Chris, such fine lines, my friend and such finess needed to navigate them. You're a beautiful and gentle person, one who I feel, always considers and cares. I always say, unsung heroes walk on so quietly. Thank you for being here. We are so grateful for you....

[Chris Shaw]

You are far too kind, but I thank you with much gratitude and love DIVYA. You have just made my day 🌹

[DIVYA]

.. .❤️🌹...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I fight against becoming this.
But I am sure I am guilty of much failure.
j.

[DIVYA]

Dear friend, None of us are perfect but we are good because we keep trying. It takes much insight and strength to walk differently and its so awesome that you do it. Thank you so much for such a kind and thoughtful comment.

[John the Baptist]

Well, as an old bugger myself, I appreciate the partial pardon of the last paragraph. I would like to suggest, though, that not everyone over 65 is Trump, Putin or Netanyahu.

[DIVYA]

Indeed John, so many heroes out there who defied age, and still do, to stand strong for humanity. Thank you so much, my friend.

[JMichael]

Quite a confronting personal opinion expressed here, certainly not misguided…..oops, as some morons seem to think it is. It is nice to read something that flows from a deeper well of thinking than most of the usual, mindless writing that appears on this site.

I am pretty sure you don’t live on an Earth populated solely by billions of youth; that you have life experience; personally, professionally, politically, neighbourly or any other kind of way, when it comes to interactions and relationships with those from older generations. So that, in itself, DOES allow you to make a judgement and offer your own personal, generalised opinion on how you feel many of such folk tend to be. For anyone to tell you otherwise just illustrates the same character traits that you have steadfastly commented about in your written piece above.

Personally, I just think as we pass through the various stages of life we change, both inwardly and outwardly, as we navigate that downward slope towards death. There is not a skerrick of doubt that aging is a complete b***h; losing everything we take for granted in our youth, does give way to feelings of resentment and anger, with a propensity to focus more on the self and the daily trials of navigating life at the expense of all other things. Self preservation does become the ultimate ideal and we harden under its strain. How much people do change however, is entirely up to each individual and how well they can cope with the mostly negative changes of age. As you said, some, not all, do fail to cope and this manifests itself in negative character traits that impact the lives of others. The stereotype of the “Grumpy old man/woman” must have its genesis in reality somewhere, after all.

Sadly, it IS a fact of life that many DO suffer badly as they age and are prone to inflicting their suffering onto those closest to them, who are most likely trying to ease their suffering as they watch the person change for the worse as life wears them down. Anyone who has lived long enough to see even their own parents age has bore witness to such. In such stages of life, the stereotype of the aging Angel, the sweet, old, little lady, the dapper elderly gentleman….can easily be extinguished as they struggle for health, relevance and even breath, as that eagle looms down upon them.

I most probably will end up in the cranky codger category once I reach that point of life, but it will be up to myself alone to make sure that I address my own aging with dignity, courage and respect for self and others. Fat chance, probably, but I’ll try!

A worthwhile opinion expressed here, and one that hopefully isn’t taken as a slight towards those of a “gentler age”, but rather as something to share viewpoints on as they address their own journey.

[DIVYA]

Dear JM,
Firstly, thank you for engaging with this controversial kind of piece. I believe, a writer should mess with stereotypes, go where no one wants or dares to go. Otherwise, what kind of writers/poets are we, just writing about the various moods of the moon? Even Christ has been attacked, dissected, debated upon, so why spare the oldies?
Now, coming to the subject matter...I'll choose to stand by my statement and find every fact I can get my hands on to defend it. Because I base my opinion on personal experience bolstered absolutely by broader global events, history and happenings. I need not even take any names. Any thinking person will know what I'm talking about.
From personal experience, I can vouch for the fact that a sizable number of seniors are very self-driven, self-obsessed and only into self-preservation. There's not a single altruistic bone in them. To them, compromise is often synonymous with breaking. And you see the results.
I firmly believe that no one should be considered above-board just because they've lived a certain number of years and have grey hair to show for it. There's a reason escaped Nazis were tried in their 80s and 90s.
At the end, we’re all going to get there in a couple of decades of three and what we see around us should serve as a deterrent for us to not turn into the old shitbags that are in action all around us. Let us strive to be shining icons of introspection, reflection, renouncement and peace rather than vain, self-obsessed glory chasers after 75.
I think I’ve said it all. Thanks again and have a wonderful day. 😊