Black Inside

A poem about - personal - experiences with smoking.

I know your so wrong but I desire another puff,

And I know a decade from now I'll be in grief,

But when I'm asked if I do I tell a bluff,

Although I try, I just do not have the lief.

When I have my rotten black gut,

I'm sure I will have nothing more than regret,

Because it will be nothing more than smut,

I was really too weak and fell to my peers abet.

When I have my wrinkly yellow skin,

I'm going to wish I could turn back the clock,

Because I don't think I'll be able to grin,

I'll be lying on the floor not able to answer your knock.

At the end of the day it's only a bit of fun,

But at the end of the day it'll kill like a gun.

Reviews

[DreamWeaver 2154]

That high or pleasurable feeling is just like the truth in a sense. An old courthouse saying goes: Spend your life chasing after the truth like hell. You'll free yourself, though you'll never touch its coat tails." This is true for addiction as well. Pray it doesn't go that far. :) You know I worry about you, man :)

[Allan Eddings]

As a man fond of his cigars from time to time I do ever so like this piece! And what an unusual piece of inspiration to write. I like how you take such a mundane thing and make it interesting.

It is an honest work, which wears its feelings and intentions on its sleeve and so I find it endearing to me. There is a good rhythm and rhyme to it, without it being forced into a mode of poetry or style - so it has the best of free verse and the more structured approaches I do think. I especially enjoyed the line, "Because I don't think I'll be able to grin."

I would advise all against smoking, though I do partake in a cigar about once every few months. I nevertheless admit that I should not. Though I do not think you need that advice, this piece definitely informs the reader of your distaste for that vice.

Your poetry is truly evolving and getting stronger with each piece, I am adoring it. And I do bow to your ability to lift mundane things to art, I can only manage to bring the art of life to the art of poesy; you meanwhile make art from the simple and mundane things itself. A skill which is most admirable.

Kindest Regards,
A.E.

[devon]

"I was really too weak and fell to my peers abet."

I really liked this line, as it captures the way it is so easy to fall into peer pressure, no matter how strong or weak you are.

And I hope you find a way to overcome your smoking (if you haven't already)! I know how terrible of a struggle it can be, but it's truly worth it in the end. :)

[Aidylvice]

I liked the last two lines "At the end of the day it's only a bit of fun,
But at the end of the day it'll kill like a gun." You captured the emotion and reasoning of addiction very well. Awesome. :)

[K-mo]

very good, the message is clear and is written very well! Good job!!!

[Lunny]

this is quite good, love it :)