Hatred

I think we all suffer from some form of hate really

Hatred

I’m a hater you could say
Yes, a 5’9 Filipino kid full of hate
Thats quite a common thing these days

Often times I ask myself why do I even hate
Oh right, I get vivid memories of my past, shall you see them you would faint

Is it valid though, better yet is it good for me?
Sometimes I feel like it does
It gets me out of bed to haste
it inspires me not to go to work late

When I feel hate I see red
Slowly and surely corrupting my mind and heart
Swiftly and surely demanding an action to start

I don’t even know why I do this
It could perhaps be a coping mechanism
For when I don’t feel any hate I resort to my old self dreaming of nihilism

Is this me? am I just cursed to feel this way?
Even my own self disgusts me
When I see my own ethnicity
My thoughts plague me thoroughly

I lived in a dump for half my life
Surrounded by people who looked at me with spite
I was different and all I had wished for was a good life
I was told my genetics were inferior
Short brown, slint eyed with a sickening interior

8 years of being in school I was mistaken for a f*g
Well guess what? their bloody right
The following years broke my mind from not being treated light

Now i’v grown a grudge from they’re like
Hoodlums and gangsters alike
I see them I get physically ill
I hear them speak I get mentally ill

The urge to go havoc with these facts I constantly try to fight
You have no f*****g idea how moments like these make me wish I was white

But maybe thats the Lords way of expressing his might
Had I been born pale, i’d be roaming in the highway shouting white pride

Had I been born in America in a school that didn’t treat me right
I would be a teenager in television who executed dozens while looking down his iron sight

God works in mysterious ways and I believe he does have plans for his people
But why must I go through this pain of hate?
Why does a man go through such trials of such uncertain mystery when he plans to send us in an afterlife so loving?

All these questions in my head will haunt me till I get lowered to the grave
But although i’m a hater, I still aspire to be saved

This hate of mine, will always be a curse
And as true as it may feel
I refuse to die feeling this much hurt
I refuse to be despicable before I shall leave this earth

Oh hatred, why does it always linger?
Why are you everywhere?
Why does it help? Why does it hurt?

So yes i’m a hater
And I hate myself the most
It’s a small part of me
Like static that comes and goes when you get to close

If you ask me why I keep dwelling in my past
The truest answer to be said is life always f***s us in the a*s

I Love you guys, Thanks for reading lol