Prolugue

Looking back, this was probably the best mistake in Kara’s whole life. All she had in her hoodie at the time was $5, her flip phone, and a pair of earbuds. Kara was standing on a large steel pole about 50 stories above the ground.  The area was a construction site for a new hospital, ironic considering what she was about to do. She looked down at the ground below. She saw piles of dirt, rubble and construction equipment. She looked up at the sky and let her body fall off the steel pole.

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hello Tonochi,

I think you have a good start here. It is intriguing. Why is she there? What mistake did she make? It begs the reader to continue on.

If I may suggest rewording a few of your sentences though, for instance, "All she had in her hoodie at the time was $5, her flip phone, and a pair of earbuds." could be rewritten as 'Rummaging through her pockets, Kara grimaced when she realized all she had with her was a five dollar bill, her flip phone with only two bars of battery left, and a pair of earbuds.'

I, personally, try to avoid using the same word to start a sentence, as you have with the word, she, in the last three sentences. Try, 'Looking down the 10-story building, she was forced to step back because of the dizzying height.' instead of "She looked down at the ground below." 'The huge piles of dirt and rubble made the construction equipment look tiny in comparison.' instead of "She saw piles of dirt, rubble and construction equipment." It gives it a better flow. Just a suggestion or two . . .

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi