Spirit (Foolish Heart Part 5)

Awakening

My eyes opened,

dazed and confused.

I slowly rise to feet,

falling back down more than once.

The sun stood high over the horizon.

"What happened with me?"

"How long have I been out?"

I just felt so very weak...

 

I took a step and fell back down,

I couldnt even stand up...

So I slowly crawled...

"I need to find her soon, times running out."

 

I looked back

the desolate battle ground.

I saw her...

Without hesitation, I rose and ran...

 

I yelled her name,

no response...

She was bent over,

her face full of tears.

 

I said her name again...

 

No response...

 

"Whats wrong?..."

"Why are you crying?..."

 

Why cant she hear me?

 

I got up close,

wanting to comfort her, to stop the tears...

 

My hand was on her shoulder,

yet my hand just passed through her...

 

Then I saw me,

her tears falling on my chest.

A thundertorm of tears...

with the sound of crying...

 

Devastated...

I put my arms around her...

just wanting to hold her...

Reviews

[Sarah]

Whoa ~ twist! But ghost love stories are always the best, right? Loving this.

[jex]

this is so sad, yet so amazing. I love how you write.

[victoria]

this is so sad, but it was also very powerful and made me think. i would be devastated if something like this were to happen to me. great write:]

[KL]

At least the sun was high in the horizon... warmth is on the way to dry up those tears.

[Joshua Donahue]

i like this. emotional and enticing.

[Randolf Ramos]

So sad,

[Iota]

Like some of the other reviewers I think started reading in the middle of the series however when I read this I didn't realize it. Even after reading this out of order and not knowing really what came before it, as a stand alone poem this is awesome. I really liked how you unfolded that he didn't know he was dead until he got up close. Your technique and style was crisp and flowing. This was a very tight write. Bravo

""How long has I been out?" Not sure if you wanted to read with the word has in it. Maybe How long have i been out?

[RTB]

good poem i ddnt get to into it mostly cuz im in a exited mood so the sadness was just not dwelling in me but ima read it again later wen im more in a serious mood so it can be perfect

[Brandon]

wow dude that was amaizing

[Shin]

I haven't read the others, but it's a deep plot for what I see, I liked it.