A CITY UNDER MY PILLOW

A Poem by Mr 2five

Whenever we sleep it always feels like our spirit travels to different world. This world can sometimes be a bad one.

Heard whisperings
Hundreds of voices
Thousands of murmurings
Millions of echoes
But faceless crowd

Spear striking ground
Earth quivering
And pillars of city shaking

Hearing loud chantings
With all pointing at me
Kill him,kill him,kill him
Kill him,kill him!

But I knew the secret
Opening my eye started my flight
My village my room I found myself

Awake with fears
"I took the wrong path"I said
Scared to go back in bed
But hoped my flight would take me elsewhere..

© 2020 Mr 2five

Author's Note

Some dreams can burry sleep deep in the eyes for days..
The city under your pillow that day was a bad one

My Review

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Reviews

barleygirl

I love your poem most of all becuz it's a unique & refreshing take on the much-written-about topic of sleep/dreams/insomnia. Title is off-the-charts original & captivating. V3 & V4 vividly reminds me of my childhood when I slept deeply & had intense dreams (childhood abuse), being in the shallow depths of sleep, almost awake, knowing if only I could wake myself up, I could get out of this horrible nightmare. Your words brought that so alive for me! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 5 Years Ago

Eilis

Your title is what originally drew me in. It is dynamic and mysterious and feels like the perfect description for what I've read in the poem when I reach the end. What I really appreciated about the poem was that it never said anything about dreams, but instead evoked the dream. There is the cloudy atmosphere of the dream and the disconcerting way we wake from dream wondering if we did actually experience the thing that seemed so real only moments ago.

For me that sense is a really strong part of the work. But, I also appreciate the selective details that maintain the theme and keep the poem on a certain path. There is the sense of the biblical to my mind. The dreams one reads about where the dreamer's life is transformed by what is learned in a dream. Really strong work.

There are a couple of small points that might benefit from editing. First, grammatically, chanting's would be chantings in stanza 3. In stanza 4, new would be knew. In the final stanza, the quotation marks would go around the speech rather than around the I said, and to keep things grammatically sound, you could phrase the last line:

I hoped my flight would take me elsewhere

As the past tense 'hoped' needs to be paired with a past tense verb.

I really enjoyed this poem, and look forward to reading more of your work. There is a great spirit about it.