Rock bottom

A Poem by Anonymous -

Starting to wonder if I hit rock bottom or skipped it ,
Clean and sober , but white knuckling my recovery ,
Bloody fists , from punching the walls of questions ,
Puking and strung out from my haunted past.

Will I stay this way forever , will I ever get better , can I be better

Starting to think this is me , nothing good to say , it's cynical , negative and morbid ,
I'm afraid to be happy , afraid I'll fail at that ,
I thought I was a f**k up , yet I fucked that up,
Couldn't even be an addict and succeed ,
Oh how twisted that is , but so is reality

I'm wondering if this is forever , will it be , will I ever reach my potential

Starting to think I'm doing this for attention,
Nothing wrong with me , just lonely ,
But I wonder , what if I'm broken ,
Unlovable , or unable to feel the feeling of it

I'm wondering , will I ever love myself , the way I have love for others ,
The ones Id die for , for I value their lives above mine

Is it sad I don't even in the slightest value my life , but will die for others ,

Am I broken , unfixable

If everything happens for a reason ,
Can I please have a sign ,
Anything ,
Just so I know it's worth holding on ,
Because I'm falling over the edge ,

Maybe my rock bottom , will be a literal rock bottom ,
Where I lay in the blood , surrounded by the rocks of my past , present and future ,
For all the skeletons will be released