iM [iam] I am

iM [iam] I am

Crawling Deeper iN--
[SiDE] a FleSsh consumed by my
Own Per.Ni.Cious.Ness

Please

Emancipate my
FreeWill laying dormant on
These beds of Revel

InSane

Or maybe just what
I need to get by on days
And nights like today

Comfortable

And not moving now
That the lethargic blanket
Covers my body

But

I am not sleeping
Only seemingly dreaming
Thoughts never to be ever

Perceived

Because eve.ry.thing
Is Super|Ultra|Surreal
Healing what's Already

Been

Ir.rev.er.ent.ly
Healed via a general
Lack of substantial

Creed

Author's Note

really fun and refreshing to write

Reviews

[Darryl Salach]

I like the way you set this up...very unique indeed...enjoyed it a lot!!

[Dawn Jones]

You write kind of in the form of alternative music. I read this to the beat of the song I was listening to at the time and it fit really well. I really like the form you use in your poetry.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Forgot to say how i spent a while checking for secret codes in the red - would it spell out a decipherable message if read as a solo?
It didn't seem to.

I like how the stanzas and red lines link up seamlessly; no effort on my part to read, just to enjoy. Yo.

[Raef C. Boylan]

"iM [iam] I am

Crawling Deeper iN--
[SiDE] a FleSsh consumed by my
Own Per.Ni.Cious.Ness" - this one seems to be influenced more by the voices than the other stanzas; almost narrated by them - hissing sinisterly (good assonance), shocking with changes in volume...i feared for you.
Movies kids being chased down tunnels, sssomthiiiing G(ain)ING on them...

"Please

Emancipate my
FreeWill laying dormant on
These beds of Revel" - really good way of expressing this state of under-control lethargy; maybe more profound than that - e.g. thoughts of chemical slavery (drugs and bodily functions) overriding freewill...or something like that. Maybe it is just about voices and ownership.

"InSane

Or maybe just what
I need to get by on days
And nights like today" - this isn't poetry that astounds or amazes, yet i really like this stanza; the tone of it is honest and thoughtful...self-deprecating. Is insanity an imposed verdict, or just a state of mind that can be inhabited temporarily to serve a purpose?

"Comfortable

And not moving now
That the lethargic blanket
Covers my body" - like Corrin says, this feels quite exposing; you've actually given us a fixed situation in which to picture (you) our narrator. That "Comfortable" changes each time i read it; sometimes slow and raspy, sometimes petulantly childish. I'm probably way off with both.

"But

I am not sleeping
Only seemingly dreaming
Thoughts never to be ever" - the reader is corrected in any assumptions they may have had regarding you being unconscious or awake [nyeah nyeah lol]. Some play with rhyming and wordiness going on here...liking...maybe the repetition is intended to represent mental lethargy i.e. can't be arsed to whip out my vocabulary man...f-u-c-k-i-t y'know?

"Perceived

Because eve.ry.thing
Is Super|Ultra|Surreal
Healing what's Already

Been

Ir.rev.er.ent.ly
Healed via a general
Lack of substantial

Creed".

"Super|Ultra|Surreal" - yay phrase, and this increases the 'trippy' feeling that Corrin used to describe your piece. Quite a peaceful ending - which i wasn't expecting, friend.
Only those with principles can heal themselves?
Only those with open minds, without fixed beliefs?

"Ir.rev.er.ent.ly" - i like the stretching; it's sleepy and drawling and demanding careful contemplation.

Overall, this is a good write and an interesting read.
I enjoyed it.
Look ma no hands (or typos)!

Thanks for sending me this one.

[Racheal]

This is really good and the idea that they all work together so well. Did you intend for that when you wrote them or did it just happen that they went together well? Either way it really speaks to me of your overcoming of a difficult situation and problem into a blissful state of healing.

[lostintheworld]

I see, I see...damn you're just all about exposing yourself tonight....whatever has gotten into you,i like ita lotThis chain of haiku is very telling...perniciousness- good word choice, especially fitting...even in it's more obsolete sense- latin of course, so I'm already in love with it...I'm not sure if I'm talking to you, or your poem- so um... yeah...anyhowcrawling deeper in...emancipation of free will- no wonder you're conflicted, quit resisting already...or quit hiding, crawling deeper in.... feel itdormant, revel- again a nice juxtaposition here- evoking some serious emotion, i think this is my favorite part....but i won't go into why...it's apparentright?just enough to get by...no gluttony/greed here...just you...bare, exposed....minimally needinguncoveredin the blanketthe way your haiku is exposing youlying there lethargic...seemingly dreaming- eve surreal- this whole part is mindfuckingme in a good way...i need a cigarette.healing...? really... i do hope so. thanks for the trip...