Free Me to More Freedom

Was not Has not
Not become What
Has always been What
Was not there
But was there
Always open
Screaming
Free Me

Now to open another beer

Contemplate the misconceptions
Enervated from too much
And the incest, it’s become
Becoming to the open
Mouth that mouth of mouths
And that tongue of tongues
Closely close close
The Quiet whispers across
The Lips touched almost
Too much .a mess. that recess
Held More than meaningless banters

Now to light a match

Burning the mends which forged
The open wound of
A society that does not exist
Running around trying
To please the--
Prying preying predators
Wanting only to be free
And Capable of
Holding Freedom
Closely close closer
B r e a t h i n g
In that air of relief

Now to free her of stress

Take in that utensil that
MainWeaponofMassDestruction
Multiply more
Than the neglect
Division will be a lot
Simpler if rejection
Has been conquered
Hold it hold it
Closer closer close
Feel the insides of the outside
Halt only if secession leaves one

Trapped

 

 

Author's Note

hells yeahhhhhhhhhh

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Lauren, love the poem and the emotions poured into it.. the incest becoming open, stress no releif,, this is very powerful and well written still to me a bit of a mystery .. not clear of the meaning .. this is my downfall i cannot solve mysteries,, the poem is powerful and brought alot of feelings to me.. freedom...trapped
Feel the same

Chloe
xoxo

[Raef C. Boylan]

the colours
have meaning
but the reader
is squinting
what to be done?
codes forgotten
(j/k...although the yellow was harsh on my eyes, and i have forgotten what certain colours indicate, but i know that the meaning to you is significant, therefore ignore any criticism)

There's a lot of repetition of certain words, used in different ways or with different emphasis. Others attempting this might grow tedious, but i think you've done a good job, e.g:
"Mouth that mouth of mouths
And that tongue of tongues
Closely close close"
and
"Was not Has not
Not become What
Has always been What
Was not there
But was there".


"Now to open another beer" - a skilfully-inserted casual interjection, giving the reader some action to hold onto while they are adrift in your narrator's stream of consciousness (which may be addressed to specific people, but i've taken it to be thoughts given a voice); also, some character insight (i.e. how to deal with it/distract herself), and an aspect of character for us to empathise with.

"Contemplate the misconceptions
Enervated from too much
And the incest, it�s become
Becoming to the open" - so much of this piece comes across as vague analysis, but then brutally straightforward references like this, throw clues at our feet.

"Take in that utensil that
MainWeaponofMassDestruction
Multiply more
Than the neglect
Division will be a lot
Simpler if rejection
Has been conquered" - i like this section; the maths metaphor, and also the first two lines which make me think of stabbing (maybe with a fork or spoon, but unlikely).

This isn't my favourite of yours, but it's a good read and there's underlying honesty contained within, which makes it seem kind of heartfelt and thoughtful, even though the narrator tries to come across as blas�.

Thanks for posting this.

[Racheal]

becuase i was in a relationship very much like this. I know your back story and mine isnt exactly the same but i went through a lot of the exact same things i imagine you did. I kept crying out for help and everyone said they would and then they left me in there. Even the hospital staff that kept treating me when i came back over and over again. Everyone promised help but it never came and left me trapped. When i finally got the courage to run away fromt he situation - it only got worse because of my situation in life. Everyone was very sorry and felt bad and wanted to help but couldnt. So yeah i feel this poem on a deep level becuase so many of the lines and situations you descibe happened to me.

[lostintheworld]

k�so

here's the thing with poetry...
sometimes when you know
more
it's hard to separate...
and you find yourself
being pulled to this one understanding...which could be so far off-

and you secretly hate ruinging soemthing by putting some thoughts out there that could be so wrong... like offensive to language or whatever...
but see...
when i read this- this is what i see-
maybe- i have to let it marinate a little longer..roll it around on my tongue a bit more..
but today- this is what i see:

starts green- cause doesn�t it always?
Was has not what has what was- it has become�.
It�s there- screaming
Then orange�safety- cause the alcohol provided that to some degree�safety, protection, - something to fall back on just in case you say more than you want- should, more than what your comfortable admitting you think�.
But also to progress- to allow the freedom to move forward- lose the restraint, voices...nothing stopping you...
Which can be scary
So red- the misconceptions are gone�
Incest-such a great word choice here- cause well...cuase it is too close of a relationship�too close- too much, too similar....too good....too much
But it�s fitting, appropriate, desired�. needed needed needed
That mouth
Tongue
Too much- could be a mess- could be danger
Both personally and publically�public- well we all know that that means- but personally, will someone get hurt? the mess- f**k the mess... nothing is ever achieved without risk.
But the games- the playing- it�s something�not just sex�
it's more
way more- which is
uncomfortable....
So yellow came
Cause the fear creeps back�
And you try to stop it�
Rationalizing why
It has to be what was has not been but is what it is even if it must appear that it�s not�
Because of the constraints�prying preying predators- which are many different things
Like the past, the present and the future- cause
You can�t ever really fully escape- what I wouldn�t give� �cept you can�.
Be free-
Respiration�
Relief

Then orange�----
Safe- free her�

Then that image,,,thought memory is back � that weapon that destroyed it
And if you fight it- with more�more more� then it can be conquered�
Rejection � a risk�.
So go
Straight forward
Feel the insides
And don�t stop
- separation shouldn�t leave you trapped�it wont��.accept the feelings�change the meanings,�change the memories�make new


(more simple=simpler�division will be simpler)

[Racheal]

This is another great work that you have put forth. The emotions and feelings you so poignantly describe in such a situation in life affect me on a deep level of my being.

[lostintheworld]

prying preying predators...

free

hmmmmm
i like
a lot