Sand Castle

I wrote this in my Creative Writing class for our Flash FIction assignment.

I saw it on the horizon. The dark, ominous clouds rolled on the sky, resembling water pushing up the shore in struggle to tear down sand castles.
Goosebumps erected from the drop of the temperature that the oncoming storm laid on my skin. The hair on my body stood from the electrifying stimulation. It was closer now. Thunderclaps screamed in waves. The wind picked up debris. Lightening encompassed the sky with its fingers. The clouds cried in frustration. Emotions were intense.
I ran inside the sand castle for safety; and fell asleep.

Reviews

[SEO]

This is super visual and really well done; I feel like I'm in this moment. There are some really good word choices/lines such as "The clouds cried in frustration" and "Lightening encompassed the sky with it's fingers." There so good that the lines that aren't as strong stand stick out more such as "It was closer now" I think you could cut this. And "emotions were intense" is interesting but it's also really vague. What were these emotions and how can you better describe this intensity? How can you personify it the way you do with the clouds or lightening? Good job I think these short pieces are pretty successful!

[Undeadjem]

Thank you so much for your comments. They open my mind to the things I haven't trained my eyes to catch yet. It's so funny that this is one of the most enjoyable pieces to readers. I really had know clue what I was writing or even the meaning behind it. I just really like thunderstorms, I guess. Lol.

[Shekinah2015]

Ooh, good one! You're very good with language. So much emotion in such a little piece.

I just read it over again. I really like it!

Keep writing!

[Undeadjem]

This is so funny because I know idea what I was writing when I wrote this. Not as much contribution to this as my other pieces, yet, it's one of the favorites. Thanks!!!!

[Marie]

This is very creative. A fantasy that could be taken in more than one way.

[Undeadjem]

Thank you! I once I finished this peice, I wasn't really sure what I wrote. I was like, "Oh, okay... So, that's what came out?"