A Hummingbird Trying to Swim

What do I have to do to live above the surface?

What must I take from the water to be able to fly?

My wild longing beats upon the sea walls

I should burn everything in my way, but, if I do, I will become a monster, a being 

undeserving

Freedom is there, but the barrier separates me from it

The guards would bring me back to the dungeons if I left

The spears they use pierce my limbs so deep, I am chained

The darkness blinds me from what I know I see, from what I know exists

There is no purpose in the palace, yet I trap what remains of my pride...

...in this broken and cracked sphere of absolute perfectionism and success

I am nothing but a scarred demon acting among winged angels who see me for what 

I truly am 

Ugliness instead of light, empty space instead of a place, music instead of intelligence

The home that is not mine throws me in the rive every day, waiting for me to drown

Why do I have to drown? What is that my fate?

I try to swim with the sea, but the sea despises me

It hates me because I am weak, a piece of dream instead of strength

I am hummingbird trying to swim, I think

No, the water says, you are a hummingbird fated to drown

Whether you drown today, tomorrow, or in a decade will not change your future

Everyone knows your fate, as do you, yet you try to survive

I can survive for a year or forever, but I can never live for even a second

Why is this my fate? Why was I born in the sea, when I should have born in the 

skies?

Because - the guards, the darkness, the angels, and the sea all tell me - you are abandoned by the gods and fate itself

I will never belong and I will never be free

I can never trust and I can never fly

All I can do is swim, only to drown... only to die

However, before I die - should I bring with me?

They can wait for me in the abyss, but... for what reason?

Madness, my dear, insanity, irrationality - whatever one might call it - has no reason

Author's Note

What do you think? Is it not too much?