Munched

Our hero, about to die at the hands, or rather teeth, of a gargantuan demon

  Of all the things I thought I’d be doing this week, I wouldn’t have figured on being eaten.  Things are looking grim.  I’m between the massive molars of a colossal demon, fighting with everything I’ve got not to be crushed.  My energy is draining, as is my physical strength.  My shield is full of cracks… it can’t last much longer.  The creature parts its lips, and I’m blinded by the light.  The sounds of battle rings in my ears. It’s louder than when I was first snatched from the sky.  It looks like my friends are fighting harder for my vengeance.  A deafening growl wells up from the beast’s throat.  It hurts my ears.  A lot.  I hope he doesn’t feel like roaring soon.  The demon shifted his tongue, and I can see the wrecked remains of my skyrider.  I could save myself if I could just get to it.  Not happening.  Not without a miracle.  Perhaps two.  The pain is excruciating, but I cannot waste the energy on crying out.  May limbs are aflame with hellfire pain, and my shield is so filled with cracks, it could shatter at any moment.  I almost wish for the end.  My vision wavers for a moment, shuddering from black to normal, then sharp to blurry.    The creature snarls, and my skull feels like its about to shatter.  My ears scream in protest.  The creature doubles its efforts.  Shards are popping out of my shield like popcorn, fading swiftly.  My every fiber screams in agony and protest.  A little voice at the back of my skull tells me to give up.  There is no hope of survival. The beast will crush me eventually.  I tell it to shut up.  I’ve always been stubborn.  My shield is in pieces, only a few shards are holding up the massive tooth, and they’re bending like shoots of grass in the wind.  I am nearly on my knees now.  My shield is straining, snapping and popping like a log on a fire.  The creature’s lips close, bathing me in hopeless darkness and silence.  Suddenly,  A loud thud erupts from my right, like a grenade going off in from behind a concrete wall.  My shield finally gives.  My life flashes before my eyes.  The creature roars.

Reviews

[Anonymous]

So obviously this chapter wasn't meant to be a metaphor or an analogy, but it totally sounds like one. It sounds like an analogy for sin or any other demons we as humans face every day. I definitely like the imagery of it, but be careful of redundancy: you repeated yourself a couple times (not out of emphasis).