Five Good Deeds

There’s five good deeds said he to me,

I must complete to prove my love.

If not in haste he would be pleased

upon the fifth he would so deem

a bit of naughty reverie.

 

And so I breathed upon his heart

and set its embers all aglow.

 

And then I stoked his furnace bright

its light revealed desire so.

 

A word I said into his ear

a tremble fell upon his kiss.

 

A touch I placed upon his brow

and softly met his parted lips.

 

And when my deeds were done but one

He bade me cease upon the fourth.

 

And spoke his voice with firm intent

to save the fifth for night to come.

Reviews

[Keith]

I loved the way you eluded to the sensual action that is forthcoming.

I do not have any suggestions or corrections
Well done.

[Vignette]

Yes! I think that is the beauty of structured poetry. It coaxes the writer to dig deep to make puzzle pieces fit and make sense, and it lends a melody to the ear that I so enjoy. I could not hear it before I really started studying poetry. But now that I recognize it, I love it, and I see the beauty and the harmony in the syllables of words. Poetry is its own music.

[RavenDelcor]

It is amazing, that when one adheres to a form, or even an idea of a form, can move the poet's thinking around. It is almost a midieval in tone, I like it.

[Vignette]

I'm glad you liked it. :-) It was a poetry prompt from our old home in another group. Remnants of a home no more. Another iambic tetrameter poem. The wording was selected to keep with the meter of the form.

[RavenDelcor]

Such a wonderfully sensual poem. I read it a few times through and am awestruck at your turn of phrase in "And when my deeds were done but one; He bade me cease upon the forth." It is elegant of design, done, a finalizing word, but one means it should continue. Yet the bidding reaffirms it finished, at least for the moment.