Sands of Heart-Break

This one's from September '07. I love it because everytime I read it, I remember the exact feeling I had when I wrote it and my inspiration and everything. Which while mos tof my poems do bring back emotions to me, none of them can do it as strongly as th

I saw you holding her hand;

It made me feel sick.

Is it because I'm just to bland?

Or is it that I'm not a stick?

Either way it's still the same:

I'm in love with a taken man.

I guess I just lost this game,

And fell into the pits of sand.

The sands of sadness and pain,

With all it's tales of heart-break.

As the walls in height gain,

I sink deeper into the ache.

And as I journey through these pits,

I wonder if you'll ever know...

Can you figure it out with all those wits?

Will you discover my love for you?

 

© SRM '07

 

Author's Note

I want to know exactly what you think of it, so no holding back.
If you love, say so.
If you absolutely abhor it, say so.
Let me know.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Ah!! I can see the amount of pain and grief in this piece.

Specially these lines
"I guess I just lost this game,

And fell into the pits of sand." -They literally wounded me..

Really a superb piece which came right away from your heart and can even touch many souls!
:)

[Jaffa Forbes]

Alright... but be warned...!
I think that your subject matter is good. I think your title is very good; nice imagery. You say that this poem makes you remember exactly how you feel. Yep, I know the feeling too. But from where I'm sitting as the reader, I'm unsure as to how you were feeling at that point. You see, to me the whole poem seems remarkably up-beat and happy; when I read it I don't get feel the pain and heartbreak... I feel quite jolly. Which isn't a bad thing, but I'm not sure if that's the affect it's meant to have. Having said that, it's still a good poem. The imagery is really wonderful and I like the fact you end on a question. Yes, very nice. Well anyway...
jaff