ANXIETY

By the goldfish pond at the end

of the walk, a spider labors intricately

in the overhanging sage and rosemary

to build a snare for thirsty prey,

a deadly spiral from the center out.

Out here on the side of the hill

I call my yard, the sun burns through

my shirt and the humidity is thick

enough to drown the impulse I had

to get something done today.

I thought to cut the grass, or repair

that place on the house where the rain

has eaten away the wood. I’ve got

gas for the mower, and lumber,

everything I need except the ambition

of my youth when nothing could

stand in my way. By now, I’m not

so hungry I feel any urgency to spin

anything except around, and

head back inside the air-conditioned

den to worry about what just happened.

Reviews

[RomaJ]

Vol, your poem perfectly captures the quiet, heavy weight of anxiety. The tug between what you want to do and what feels possible. Everything is ready, yet the only work happening is the spider’s web and our imagination. I love the small humor in it too. It makes the anxiety feel human and relatable. I hope you can enjoy that air-conditioned reprieve, letting yourself pause without guilt while the grass waits its fate. Sometimes just noticing the spider and breathing is enough.

[Vol]

Roma,
I enjoy your comments so much!
Now, I'm curious about where you live. This poem is from Tennessee, but the overwhelming heat and humidity in the southeastern United States is deadly. I moved away from there almost nine years ago and now live in the Texas panhandle where the humidity is a pleasant 4-40%. I am able to breathe freely for the first time in my life. There are sometimes a couple of weeks when it is over 105F, but I can still go outside as long as I take lots of water with me. Sometimes the wind is daunting as are the grass fires, but it's home, now.
Vol

[RomaJ]

I live on an island. It’s usually hot and humid here, but it’s the rainy season right now. We’ve been getting a lot of rain, but even when it’s raining, the weather is unpredictable. You could be driving through a downpour, and by the time you get through it, the sun is shining and it’s hot in the next section.

[Vol]

Roma,
How cool! You live on an Island! Where? I've lived near salt water most of my life. Now I live in a desert. I envy you!
Vol

[Curly Grace]

Everything I need except the ambition of my youth, when nothing could stand in my way. -In my youth, procrastination was very alive and well for me. I spent too much time living in my own head. Which now reminds me of a poem I wrote back then, I'll have to add that one. I enjoy this one, Vol.

[Vol]

Sarah,
You know, words have always been my favorite toys, they can be so pretty! But then they have meaning, too! And magic... I See a thing, it's image is burned onto my brain, I have an emotional reaction, and describe what I see with... words. I write them down, and now somebody else sees it too... and we never even met... MAGIC!
Vol

[Chris Shaw]

Those impulses to get something done, I get those too and then they subside. You though Vol, had what I would call a reasonable excuse for a change of heart. The burning sun and humidity would have done me in as well. There’s always another day when you have retired. That spider though, gets the job done without having to concern themselves about ambition or weather. Doesn’t that make you slightly envious Vol:) No need to feel guilty, be kind to yourself:)

Chris

[Vol]

Chris..
Never fear, I am ALWAYS kind to myself... I'm practically delusional about what a wonder and gift to humanity I am... :-)
Vol

[Chris Shaw]

Ha ha. Love your response :)

[Vol]

Chris,
I love being here with you...
Vol

[Ms claws]

Aside from my total admiration of your abilities to project 3D images on the brain,
I giggled at your build-up of chores needing to be conquered
Relenting to your drive to step back into this century
And underneath the AC "to worry about what just happened" made me lol.
Always loving you as an author.

[Vol]

Eternity,
Yeah, back inside I sat at the computer and wrote this one, so the day was not a complete waste.
Vol

[Michael Sun Bear]

Lorry said it so well I’ll just say ditto.

[Vol]

Thanks Michael, makes his twice as good, then!

[Lorry]

Ah, that youthful energy that is never truly appreciated until it is gone.
When we didn't need a car because we were too busy running everywhere to notice. The feeling of euphoria that our tanks only needed a five minute break to be full again and off we went to anywhere but here, because staying still was the same as being dead.
Nowadays I only sit up in bedroom see if I'll make it or collapse back into it in a heap and put off whatever needed doing, because there's always tomorrow.
My record for procrastination went on for 8 tomorrows once, before I amended the to do list to "to be continued."
I get up with the best of intentions but it's all too easy to tell yourself that it's raining, or looks cold out or looks like it could change at a minutes notice.
I don't see these as failures because every time I say I'll do it tomorrow, it suddenly as if from nowhere rewards me with a free day with no plans until I come across them again and put them off time and again, conserving evergy on something that obviously didn't need doing, because it's still not done and im still here, not doing it.
Anyway, all that spinning is bound to make you dizzy! 😀

[Vol]

Lorry,
Aye... we must be cousins, at least... except my 8:00 opportunity is smashed by the chickens who I nee to free from the coop and feed... just skip on shoes and make a dash for it. The nice bit is that, I have no neighbors to speak of, so I "come as I am." I have to be careful, though it's getting chilly in the am, and I at this stage o the game I don't want folks to think I'm in some sort of transition... That would not be good anywhere, but in Texas ya might just become a justifiable homicide... I've been lucky all these years, not been caught, yet.
There are a bunch of widows out here, and only three dudes...

[Lorry]

The only thing I don't procrastinate about are putting the bins out. It is my one compulsion that I can't refuse. If my bins aren't in place at the crack of first light, my day is ruined. So I wearily trudge into whatever hellish weather they throw at me that day, with my pyjamas on under my waterproofs, stick my Skechers on for optimal comfort and after checking the new fangled bin schedule that used to make sense but doesn't anymore, because recycling gets put out two weeks out of every three, as does food waste, but general waste is only once every three weeks and even Alexa had a meltdown trying to figure it out.
Adterthe bins are put out I could happily sleep for another four hours, but if not those Googly eyes on the bins haunt my every waking moment. And no, the googly eyes were Katie's idea, because she thought theylooked sad. Now theyjustlook haunted! 😀