WAITING FOR RAIN

Her ashes came in the mail today.

A sturdy box of dense, black

cardboard. I opened it on the kitchen

island, and lifted the plastic bag with

a pound or so of gray sand in it. I stared

at the contents a long time, wondered

about her brilliant mind and those billions

of neurons, axons, stories, and song that dangle

from my fingers, a reduction to cold, black powder.

I’ve got an enameled Aladdin's lamp for her to

rest in beauty. My retinas still see her comfortable in 

that chair, talking on the phone. Her black eyes

flash a smile; she always saw more than was there,

found gold between the lines and in the pauses.

From what I have seen, most folks go through all

the intricacies of life inside their stimulated brains

and lackadaisical hearts. Not her, she lived in her

favorite Renoir, and danced with Van Gogh’s scattered

stars, her silent sway in a long, blue gown still whispers

in my ear, “your poems are delicious.”

and gives me shivers.

Reviews

[Orphic Dreamer]

This poem is tender yet spine-chilling, opening without any warm-up and going straight for the gut. The sorrow slowly builds through the piece, becoming almost too heavy to hold. Then the memories arrive, gentle and vivid, softening the pain just enough to make it ache even more.

Beautiful writing!

[Vol]

O D,
Yup... you know I've long thought the human veneer of civilization was terrifyingly thin... The veneer of life is too... we function as required, and underneath is all this boiling magma looking for a place to vent. When I picked up the box a new phone came it. I was struck by its quality of construction, turned it in my hands... it scratched something, and the second line happened... reminding me of that other box from before.

[ETERNITY]

It'd be a shame if you got a paper cut and it got infected and you die. I'd write many things you can't object to anymore. How living in the great wide open with the man of my dreams reading poems to me every day and every night is heaven on earth...How I longed for you when you were alive and how the longing has not diminished. But I know in my heart that you would have wanted me as much as I wanted you had the circumstances been different. Then when I receive your ashes, I open the cardboard box and get a paper cut . . . . . . . but I digress. As always. great write!

[Vol]

If I've gotta die, let it be charging an enemy, guns ablazing! Or sliding around between satin sheets with a happy blond... DOING something swift and loud!

[ETERNITY]

I'm not a blonde but I have had some blonde moments.

[Vol]

Okay, Orphic... The first thing I said was... This has gotta be Eternity! Thank you, my sweet friend, Ha!!! beats BALD!

[ETERNITY]

Bald is not bad...when you know how to handle that hot orb of flesh..................

[Vol]

Eternity,
It is funny, ironic? How suggestive the word "head" has become. (Don't say that word! Like "moist." Both words have run off to lives of porn, and lost their identities. Homeless in a Walmart parking lot somewhere... so sad. I've always liked both of them, we used to play together in the bathtub when we were young...
Vol

[ETERNITY]

Beauty is the eyes of the beholder...
That 10 dollar hoe looks good when the need "arises".read moreBeauty is the eyes of the beholder...
That 10 dollar hoe looks good when the need "arises".
Those thorns in the garden rip the flesh.
The water in the bathtub turns red, even bloody.
Is it the thorn's RIP or Hi Men!

[Vol]

Beauty is something humans have, but no one else ...

[ETERNITY]

Your writes are beautiful.

[Orphic Dreamer]

what do you mean "Beauty is something humans have, but no one else .."?
Very enigmatic...

[Vol]

Everything is beautiful... but only humans even know it's there...

[Orphic Dreamer]

Ah.. That is indeed our most terrifying superpower :)

[ETERNITY]

Vol, I love that you put the ashes in an Alladins lamp...
Kind of signifying the magical memory of her.

[Vol]

I didn't deserve her... the smartest woman I've ever known

[ETERNITY]

Vol, you're the most awesome poet I've ever met.
You deserve everything.
It was just a horrible happening.

[Vol]

Aw... Thank you, sweetheart... ya gotta be careful, though... my head is already big enough...

[ETERNITY]

yeah, ain't it grand

[Jimmy Crapped Corn]

I'm sorry for your distant yet devastating loss. Thank you for reminding me why I should be reading more than writing on here. Beautiful writing

[Vol]

Jim my,
Thank you. It's funny how I always knew she was a powerful mind and spirit, but after she died, I didn't know it enough, if that makes sense... I didn't spend enough time worshiping the ground she walkd on.
Vol

[Desert Knave]

Wow. This one just gave me chills for sure. Dealing with two parents at the end of the road and I know ashes will soon be part of my life. Kudos on a great write. ~Jim

[Vol]

Desert,
Thanks. I'm an old man and have lost many... Wht I have found is the only thing that gets me through is if I can resolve any and all issues first... Most of the crying comes from broken bits of love we could hav fixed.

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. You give this breath and life.

[Vol]

She died seven years ago... I'll never be over it, but i don't think about it very often anymore.

[Lorry]

It is what we all get reduced to Vol, a bag of ash that takes no account of the person or thoughts they shared with us.
I like the idea of the Aladdin's lamp as a final resting place, but mainly because id be tempted to rub it to see if I got 3 wishes, which I suppose is excessive because you'd only need one to bring her back.
My mum honoured my Dads last wish, to be kept in the cupboard where she keeps her ironing board, with a can of his favourite later on top of the box. It became a bit strange if you had to go into that cupboard and everyone asked if he was ready for another before putting the light out.
I reckon it is nigh on impossible to convey in words what someone meant to you and can only truly be told with your thoughts and the story that the two became. No matter if the thoughts were happy, sad or a million other shades in between, they will always be yours.

[Vol]

Lorry,
I've heard the most horrific stories of human suffering and inhumanity, and it doesn't matter that some froze and some burned, some never went anywhere, and some soared too high. None of it matters... not the three-quarters of Europeans in the plague, not the townsfolk of Hiroshima, and none of us... In the end it is all wormy meat or calcium phosphate sand. What matters is "How much is this gonna hurt?"
The thing is. It's what I first said. It doesn't matter. What matters is, how abundantly did I live? And the me I am in the universe as described by scientists, and the Bible too, I will never die... By the way, have you ever heard of the "Block Universe Theory?" I just read about it the other day and am still trying to assimilate and evaluate if I can dig it... https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2018-09-02/block-universe-theory-time-past-present-future-travel/10178386
If it's true we are living a poem I wrote a long time ago...
HOWL

What if Carl Sagan
was right and there is
no time, that everything
happens at once?

I was born right now
I died, right now, or
didn't
in a multitude of
universes
that begin with
what if
and end in
never.

In this one, Christ
got nailed to a tree,
in the one next door,
Mohamed kept both
feet on the ground,
and on the other side,
Gautama learned
something, instead of
nothing.

Thirty feet up,
Bosco, our deaf cat,
has been stuck
in the Elm for five
days now.
He howls when
he sees us, but
in this continuum,
there is nothing
we can do.

Copyright
Vol Lindsey
9/25/2012
Vol

[Lorry]

I have always had my doubts about time Vol. We strap it to our wrists like its our pulse and end up ruling everything, including life by it.
Remember back in the day hearing the tale of the garden of Eden? I cant recall the bit where they mentioned the tick or the tock. Everything just was.
People who've had near death experiences say your life flashes before your eyes, but perhaps that is just how life really is, when we get over mistaking time for a direction on a compassionate. Isn't it after all just a ruse we all play the game by in the pretence our lives have direction?
I'll look into block theory anfld get back to you about it. Right after setting my watch and my Satnav to let me know which direction im going in today! 😀

[Vol]

Lorry,
Hahaha! One of my favorite poets back in Nashville opined about life once... She grew up on a big ranch in Idaho, became a desert nomad new age queen, eventually landed in Nashville as a licensed, massage therapist, and amazing poet. When she got a very aggressive breast cancer and thought she would die, said, "I wish I'd had more sex." She lived through it and I left Nashville, so I don't know how that has worked out since then.
Vol

[Lorry]

Its probably best to live life without regrets, or have as few of them as possible because no matter your beliefs this is the only life we get thats guaranteed. Which is also my excuse for spending around £150 ($200, give or take) in a M&M store in London. Firstly I couldn't believe any shop could sell only m&most, but this thing was like three floors high and id have really hated my last thought before dying would be "ill never know what Christmas m&m's taste like! 😀

Ps... although they only seemed to be a big bag of red and green m&m's, they did taste very festive! 😀

[Vol]

Ah, the EPIC adventures of the truly inspired! The truly wise, truly wild-eyed league of really damn good poets!

[Michael Sun Bear]

You have written beautifully a very moving piece my friend. I love your closing lines; in death they bring her to life and so simply yet powerfully speak your love for one another. I have my first wife’s ashes here still in my tiny apartment. I wonder at times if that keeps a bit of her spirit here with me still.

[Vol]

As the years speed by, I know that I might have ten left... so all those little anchors become even more important so, not just their spirit, but our own hangs on, reluctant to say good-bye.

[Vol]

Michael,
Sometimes it is just a matter of sitting down at the keyboard and "let your fingers do the walking..." After so many years together, it's all there, and you don't even have to think about it...
Vol

[tarag]

This was lovely. The emotion of the piece caressed you as you read it. I rarely offer changes in a review, but it's one word that jars the emotion of the piece for me.
"My retinas still see her comfortable" - for me, the term retinas is too clinical for the mood of the poem.
You may want to read my journal post, Implosion, that I posted today. A very similar mood in a different format.

[Vol]

I thought about that word choice a long time before I let it stay... I always try to make the non-obvious choice... And I still cnat't think of a better one... Ideas?

[tarag]

May I suggest dreams? I know it is a slight move from the original intent of the line, but fits so well with the denoument of the poem.

[Vol]

Hmmm... too divergent... If I said, "eyes," probably no one would question it, and that was what I did first, but it seemed so predictable... I know there is a better mword out there.... I mean, this IS the English language... we've got over a million of them...