The Waltz of Life

It seems the whole world dances to the same song, and are to ignorant to change the tune.

The Waltz of Life

1...2...3...4…

Men in black suits,

women in white dresses,

gliding across the floor.

5...6...7...8…

Synchronized they systematically spin.

masks hide their faces,

with the same design.

1...2...3...4…

They dance until night,

to return next morning

and repeat the steps.

5...6...7...8…

The same song plays,

at the same times,

continuously through the day.

1...2...3...4…

5...6...7...8…

1...2...3...4…

5...6...7...8…

1...2...3...4…

Men in black suits,

women in white dresses,

gliding across the floor.

Reviews

[Anne Timmins]

Surprisingly poorly conveyed. The flow is choppy and the lines somewhat juvenile.

[WhereItResides]

Me and you seem to be two very different kinds of poets. I read a couple of your things, which I will review tomorrow, and you just are very set on form and very technical, I am not the same way. This poem was written with simplistic style, or juvenile as you called it, for a reason. Using complex language completely goes against the message of the poem.

As for the flow, I do see a few places it could be improved, such as changing the line women in white dresses to women dresses in white works much better.

As for poorly conveyed, I'm afraid I can't convey it any better. I truly don't know what you would miss when reading the poem. The message isn't exactly shrouded in mystery. What did you find that was poorly conveyed?

[absmith]

This great, I probably got something different out of it than other people but that doesn't change the fact that this poem is great!

[WhereItResides]

In my mind, any interpretation is the right interpretation. Thanks for the review!