I Am Made of Many Silences

A reflective piece about identity, creativity, and survival—where writing, art, and quiet rituals become ways to breathe, heal, and slowly become whole.

I don’t always know who I am.
Some days I wake up wearing many names,
none of them fitting long enough to stay.

Sometimes, I am a writer.
I sit with the quiet and translate it into words,
writing loneliness the way others write letters,
carefully, because it bruises easily.
I write the feelings people avoid.
the heaviness behind smiling faces,
the sadness that learns to be polite.
Each word arrives soaked in tears I never cried out loud,
each sentence a place I can finally sit down
and be weak without explanation.

Sometimes, I am an artist.
I paint what language cannot hold.
the panic that coils inside the chest,
the fear that has no sound but never sleeps.
I paint the inner child
who stopped asking for comfort
because asking never helped.
That child didn’t die loudly;
she faded, quietly,
learning that survival sometimes looks like silence.
My colors carry what my hands were never allowed to reach.

Sometimes, I am a chef.
I stand by the stove like it’s a small sanctuary,
turning chaos into order,
measuring peace with spoons and patience.
The food warms my palms,
and for a moment, the world does too.
In those moments, the darkness loosens its grip,
and I remember what it feels like
to exist without flinching.

And then there are days
when I am all of this at once.
a writer holding grief,
an artist holding fear,
a soul searching for calm
in ordinary, human ways.
I am made of fragments, yes,
but fragments can still shine.

I am learning that I don’t need one name,
one label, one version that stays still.
I am allowed to be many things,
to change, to contradict myself,
to heal in strange, uneven rhythms.

Maybe I am not meant to be understood all at once.
Maybe I am a process.
A becoming.
A quiet resilience dressed as art.

And for now,
that is enough.

Author's Note

Thoughtful, respectful feedback is welcome. I’d love to hear how the emotions resonated and which lines stayed with you.

Reviews

[Sunflower]

first of all, this is really amazing work!!! i really understand where you are coming from with the idea that we can be so much even when others see us as so little. what one may see as a hobby, another could see as a mechanism, or an outlet. the challenge is to strive to express these tough emotions in silence, and sometimes be okay with it. i see that you are all of these things through your work. keep it up

-sunflower

[Whisper]

Thank you for such a thoughtful response. It means a lot to know the piece was felt and understood. Your words truly encouraged me.