Treachery

My cavernous walls
etched with crimson streaks,
half finished sentences written in chalk
I let you sign your name
Knee jerk reaction
barely a scribble
So dimly lit,
I can barely see my signature
So why does your illegible mark
feel like a gaping crater

Author's Note

Give me honest criticism, I can take it

Reviews

[TheRaven]

Any reason you didn't throw the '?' at the end of the poem? Just curious, I've probably done that a few times whether on purpose or simply forgot to put it.

My mind got a bit dirty with some of this piece. But moving away from that, I was rolling with this nicely. Love hurts when it's over. A person comes into our life, into our hearts, and they leave their signature on us. They leave their name and perhaps they were only half invested so their signature is lazily scrawled. But, we, we WERE invested; so the laziness from the other side doesn't even matter. Our care and love for them makes the hole as opposed to the other way around.

You've got talent with being able to say quite a few things here without a lot of words. I wonder if some more punctuation could be used because I felt a bit thrown off my flow.

The important thing is you moved me. I'll be reading more.

[Whoreable]

That's exactly what I was trying to say:) thank you!