I like the poem. The flow of thoughts about the missed friend and the desire to meet up again one day. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote
WELL .. I DISAGREE WITH THE BELOW WORDS .. . I WOULD NOT DARE TO CHANGE A THING HERE .. THIS IS A MOST SPECIAL WRITE .. AND I CAN RELATE TO YOUR TOUCHING, AND LOVING THOUGHTS .. I SEE MANY SMILES IN MY MEMORY , AND A FEW HAVE GOT ME THROUGH MY DAY .. AND A FEW MY NIGHTS .. AND I SMILE, BECAUSE THEY LIVED, AND STILL LIVE, IN MY HEART OF HEARTS ...
I enjoyed reading this! In terms of any tweaking you might do, I agree with the advice of the reviewer below me, who suggested the bit with the use of the ellipsis and a new line.
I loved your choice of diction in this poem, and I'll admit - I have great difficulty reading poems with awkward wording and such. I had no such difficulty reading this poem, though - I thoroughly enjoyed reading it from start to finish. There's a wistful tone that prevails throughout, and I could easily grasp it even before I read your note on what inspired this piece - bravo! You clearly communicated your feelings, and all readers will appreciate this piece. Keep writing! And I offer you my deepest sympathies for your loss.
The absolute best poem I've read tonight.
The only suggestion I can make for you is that you take out all of the .......'s in the last line and separate the forever from it like this:
Uniting as one...
...Forever
The way it is now, the ....'s are sepparating the two words are actually a bit distracting and take away from that last dramatic point of the poem.
I'm a Writer and an Artist. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and I work a full time job on top of all the other things I have going on in my life. I love my life, I love Las Vegas, and my Passion is my wri.. more..